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Dear Jill-

2012-01-26T16:57:00.000-08:00

Master of all trades and Wonderwoman-

(I should mention this picture was cut and pasted from pinterest)

Will you please make me one of these for Ben. I think it has to be the cutest thing ever and I know you'd do awesome making it.

I love you sis!!

The snow finally came.

2012-01-24T14:02:00.000-08:00

Side note: If you type view at the end of the https address up above you will see my blog in a cool new setting and its so much easier to navigate around it. So cool.

Last weekend the boys wore their pajamas inside out, flushed an ice cube down the toilet, and slept with a spoon under their pillow in hopes that when they woke up the next morning there would be snow.
It didn't work.

But this weekend they didn't do any of that mumbo jumbo and it snowed 4 inches. Nate was dressed and out the door as soon as he could get his snow pants on. They quickly made their way to the front yard to start shoveling the walks. They then thought it would be a good idea to shovel our neighbors driveway too.

Nate was in heaven.

Me and Ben opted to stay inside and stay toasty warm and make a delicious breakfast for the boys for when they got done outside. Ben loves his syrup.

Then we all packed up and went to our favorite park to go sledding. We love this place because it has a warming hut to sit by a fire and relax while others sled up on the hill. Me and Ben hung out there most of the time since Ben was sick with a cold.

Mack loved sledding and Ry said he had a great time. Nate loved it until he got a bunch of snow in his face and then he was done after that.

Our good friends joined us and had an awesome tube that zoomed down the hill. Jack had the time of his life on it.

The sledding hill. That building in the distance is where I was. And at the bottom of the hill is the fish pond that the boys always fish in. During the winter the pond freezes over and you can go ice skating.

That night we had our friends over for pizza and watched a movie. The men went off to a church meeting. We ate caramel popcorn and then we got a surprise visitor. Michie showed up with a plate of brownies and a bag full of Toy Story toys she had bought years ago with happy meals. It was almost a complete set.

The boys were in heaven.

As I sat at my kitchen table eating popcorn talking to my good friends I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. Friends are definitely our angels on Earth and a huge blessing in my life. I was also grateful for a fun filled day with my family. Doesn't get better than that. So glad it finally decided to snow.

Benners AKA: CRAZY MAN!!!

2012-01-22T19:06:00.000-08:00

Oh sure he looks sweet, but looks can fool you.

Yes. He's still cute, but he is really really loud and loves to yell in the middle of Sacrament Meeting every Sunday.

Ya, those eyes are a killer, but ladies he is is vicious with his fingernails and fists. Tonight he welcomed the missionaries at dinner by slugging them a few times.

And those lips, oh goodness they are sweet, but they've also mastered the art of the word, "NO!" He even uses his little pointer finger to emphasize the no.

O.k. so this picture is a little more true to the kids personality. He wears pants on his head and likes it. He struts his stuff like he is super cool. He has figured out how to jump and almost did a nose dive off the couch, luckily Ryan was right there to save his life.

Uh, yes, I love squeezing those chubby leggs and making him laugh uncontrollably. I have to get him back somehow for all the craziness he adds to my life.

Benny in all his crazy glory and cuteness. I love him . . . a lot!

His favorite past times:

Throwing things up in the air and watching them fall while he says, "Up!"

Playing football with his Dad.

Singing at the top of his lungs, "Am I a man, or am I muppet?" in his cute baby voice and babble.

Pushing the chair up to the sink and helping me wash dishes or cook dinner.

Spilling water, milk, or juice on the floor right after I clean it.

Opening his bedroom door a million times at night and refusing to go to bed.

Oh yes ladies! He is adorable and sweet as they come, but don't let it fool you . . he is TROUBLE!

(The best kind).

Talking to Jack

2012-01-19T20:02:00.000-08:00

After school today Jack sat down by me on the couch and asked for my help with studying for his math test. He is learning times, fractions, cursive, writing, and on and on. This kid is learning by leaps and bounds. Today as he sat and talked to me I was in complete awe. How is it possible that the little baby I welcomed into this world over 8 years ago is capable of knowing so much. How did it happen so fast?

Then I thought about Nate and how is such a little man. He thinks such deep thoughts and tries to be so grown up. He can't stand for anyone to think of him as "little." He has such an appetite for success and achievement. And it amazes me even more just how alike he is with his Dad. He has the best memory and remember everything I say and everything I don't do. And he's only 5.

Mack is the one boy who doesn't want to grow up quick. He is happy to be little and do little boy things. He wants my help with everything and insists that he is still little. His dresser fell over a couple weeks ago and barely missed pinning him. It did scrape his chest and leg and terrified him. When I came upon him he was so upset and scared by the experience. I held him tight in my arms as he cried and cried. And in a moment he stopped crying and grabbed his beanie from when he was a little baby and started crying even more, "I want to be a baby." What do you do when you have a child you doesn't want to grow up?
Treasure it I guess, because he's my only one.

Benny is so grown up. He points his little finger at me and says, "No no." or "No more." Ben is already attempting to dress himself and tries to stand up to go pee in the toilet. Ben goes around singing songs and insists on getting his own water out of the fridge. He pours his own cereal and milk and starts his own bath water. . . and the kid is not even 2.

Oh my goodness motherhood is crazy. . and oh so wonderful. I just hope I remember it, most of it. I hope I remember the slobbery kisses and the late night talks. I hope I remember the funny one-liners and the thought provoking questions. I hope I remember the looks on their faces and the light in their eyes. I hope I remember the little hands in mine and the cute little feet to rub. I hope I remember the smell of their baby hair and the chubby cheeks. I don't want to forget any of it because its just so good. Being a mother of little children is so hard and so humbling, but nothing brings me more joy.

2012-01-14T16:18:00.000-08:00

I admit it, I'm late getting on the train, but now I'm on it. . . and its pretty fun. So I found some things I have in the works.

Like this haircut.

And I'm so going to do a big black and white print to put up in my boys rooms. Did you know you can print them for way cheap at places like Office Max. So going to do it.

And I'm going to make these with my boys just for fun.

Look for one of these in the mail Mom. Finger art is so awesome.

And I'm going to make a giant B using family pictures.

I've decided getting crafty is long over due and I need to start doing projects that actually get finished. Because lets face it, the dishes, laundry, and clean bedrooms never last long. But my letter on the wall will. . . I hope.

Warriors 4 Mom 1

2012-01-12T06:13:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am outnumbered over here . . . in every way you can think of. I totally try to keep control of the situation, but seriously - its near impossible.

Take the kitchen for example . . .

Do you see a place in there for me? And there is one missing. Don't get me wrong I love my boys help at dinner and we have a blast together, but I totally feel outnumbered (and crowded). I wish they would crowd in around me when I am trying to clean up a mess or put laundry away but usually they are MIA (missing in action).

And don't even get me started on how they crowd in our bed, right between Ryan and I, but that part I don't mind too much. Ry and I always dreamed of when we would have a bunch of little bodies crowded in our bed between us.

Luckily we are making progress and that is definitely where I try to keep my focus - in the areas I am winning.

We have finally defeated the potty issues with Mack.
He is officially potty trained (at least for the time being.)

Ben is on his 45th day of being pacifier free, except for last Sunday when I hid it in my skirt pocket and pulled it out when he was squawking away in the middle of Sacrament Meeting. It did mean I got to actually enjoy the meeting which was totally worth it.

These are the little things that keep me going and give me hope that I am in control and that I do have the power to succeed. Cause seriously, there are some days I feel like a pawn being controlled by 4 little sets of hands - beautiful hands that is.

How I love these warriors. How I love their constant impact and influence in my life. How I love their laughter and smiles - even if they have control of the house most of the time. (Maybe that is why they are laughing and smiling all the time, they know they are winning.)

Love this life of mine.

Mack celebrates 4 and I celebrate 32

2012-01-08T10:52:00.000-08:00

Lots of pictures folks, stay with me.
Friday we had a Cars 2 birthday party for Mack. We had pizza, cupcake decorating, games, and opening of presents. Mack was as happy as could be and loved that it was his birthday.

Lots of boys means lots of energy and fun.

Benny blue eyes.

Ry came home for lunch at just the right time to light the birthday candle and watch all the hoopla.

Mack was so excited about that candle.

He wouldn't take off the beanie.

Then we played a game of pin the smile on the car. Gotta love that tongue concentration.

Me and Jack drew the car.

Everyone, of course, has to get their hands on those presents. Its the best part of the party for sure.

Captain America - one of his favorite gifts. He even had to wear it to bed that night.

Me and my boys. If I look worn out and tired . . . its because I was. But its so worth it when you make your kid happy.

Saturday was my big day. My friend Emily babysat the kids while Ry and I made our first trip/date into New York City. I had fun taking lots of pictures. Our first stop was the LDS temple in downtown NYC. I love how you can be sitting in the temple and not hear a single noise from outside. It was so wonderful to be there with my man after a long time of not getting to go together.

I had lots of fun taking city pictures . . even if the trees had no leaves - it gave it a cool winter look, even though it was a sunny 59 degrees outside. Ryan and I have planned that next trip into the city we'll take our boys' scooters and ride them around town. (Makes me think of the movie Little Manhattan)

Just a few blocks from the temple is the beautiful Central Park. Thousands were out enjoying the weather and we saw lots of runners and bikers.

In Central Park there are a lot of awesome city views and the bridges are beautiful too.

I had requested that we walk to the famous castle and the views were spectacular.

Like this one. Off in the distance is the MET where we made our next stop.

So romantic.

The MET

2012-01-08T10:00:00.000-08:00

There is something amazing about being in a museum being surrounded by culture, history, and gorgeous works of art. I love how it is quiet and everyone walks with a look of awe and wonder in their eyes. It's even better when your arm is wrapped in your hubbys and you get to enjoy it together. The outside of the building was amazing and I knew were in for a treat.

Everything was displayed so beautifully and you felt like you had stepped back in time to that time and place.

The Roman Era.

The African room

The Reniassance Era - Ry and I's favorite. I loved all the pictures of Christ depicted in such unique and beautiful ways.

Then I would come upon paintings like this and wish I had lived then and I wish I was an artist too.

Ry had mentioned in the museum how he loved pictures that were mostly sky. As I waited on the front steps of the museum for him to come pick me up I noticed that across the street I had the most beautiful view of the sky.

Then we drove down 5th Avenue and I loved seeing all the famous stores like Gucci

Prada

Trump Towers

Love New York City streets.

And down to Time Square where we saw the big ball freshly dropped and the year had changed to 2012. I can't even imagine how crazy this place was just a week ago. This picture is for you Shaunie - that is the Olive Garden you and I ate at. Every time I see it I think of you.

Then we made it to Lincoln Tunnel. And I got a great shot of the city as we came out.

It may go down in history as one of my favorite birthday/date ever!!!

Mack turns 4

2012-01-06T12:18:00.000-08:00

Four years ago this little man came into our family. Most are familiar with the story (doctor said he'd be a girl but he wasn't.)

Every year I remember that day. Of course I don't think of it as a let down but a huge beautiful blessing. For McKay has definitely been a great joy and delight for our family. He is so easy going and was such a sweet baby. For the first year and half of his life he was so sick all the time but he always managed to be sweet and happy. He is still that same little boy. He loves to just sit and read and be hugged and he loves to be with his brothers. He idolizes Jack and has to sleep in his bed by his side every night.

Today we had Mack's birthday party. He is always talking about his friends so he was so excited to have them over for his party. Last night all four boys helped me make the cupcakes. As I stood their getting things ready Mack put his arm around my waist and said, "You're my friend." Which is Mack's way of saying I like you. It was also his way of saying that he knew all this was for him and he appreciated it. I love how he is grateful.

Just so you can enjoy and laugh here is a link to the video of when Mack was born and my big surprise
CLICK HERE

How I love my Mack.

Dear Mack,

Happy Birthday son! I'm so proud of you. You've had a very busy year full of lots of adventures. You handled all that change so well and you always keep a smile on your face. This year is a big one and I know you'll grow up lots. We've set the goals this year for you to learn to communicate clearer, ride a bike, become full potty-trained, and learn your letters. It will be another busy year, but you are one amazing kid so I know you can handle it. Thanks for being such a patient, loving, and happy kid. You are such a blessing to have in our family.

Love you so much,
Mom

Pictures of my Baby McKay

New Years Eve

2012-01-03T05:16:00.000-08:00

So on Saturday, New Years Eve, it was an absolutely gorgeous day. We headed off to our favorite beach, Avon by the Sea. The boys were so happy to be there . . . and so was I.
Ben looked so cute in his donkey beanie.

It was beautiful.

Right before Ben walked straight into the water getting his feet and pants all wet.

So there is this application on Picasa that does cinemascope and I am in love with how it makes the eyes stand out. My favorite feature of Ben.

Nate was the crazy kid who was out there without a shirt on running around in his swimsuit on the last day of the year. Ryan calls him "A boy after his own heart."

Mack was most often found atop a sand hill while we were down by the water. He did brave the trip down just for a quick minute so I could get a picture. Then when it got a little cold the kid was in the van with his dad. He sure does love the beach.

Love this picture.

There is little donkey man loving the playground on the beach. He went up and down the slide at least 10 times. Yes that is sand all over his face. Nate threw a hand full at him and he didn't even cry. He just shook it off and kept on going. You gotta be tough when you have 3 older brothers to pick on you.

Great way to end the year.

The boys in my life

2012-01-02T13:08:00.000-08:00

There is the Pirate Ben

The masculine and handsome Ryan

The Jumping Bean Nate

The sweet Mack

The ever adventurous Beck brothers.

Oh yes!
I am in love.
With all FIVE of them.

Our Sunbeam

2012-01-01T18:44:00.000-08:00

Today was Mack's first day in primary. He handled it perfectly. He even got to say the first article of faith in front of everyone. Sadly I was busy in Relief Society and missed getting to see him . . . so sad I did. Luckily, Ry was there to help him out. Mack is so happy to finally be in primary and with the "big kids."

Mack truly is a sunbeam in our home. His smile lights up the place and his sweet loving nature makes us all happy. And in just a few days he turns 4 years old. Where does the time go.

Oh how I love my little Sunbeam.

2011 Wrap Up

2011-12-30T17:48:00.000-08:00

Exactly a year ago Ry drove off in our little Sentra in the dead of winter to Indianapolis. But before he left we stood by the Christmas tree and took a family picture.

That was how our year began.

January- Mack celebrated his 3rd birthday with our Utah family and I celebrated my 31st birthday. Ry started his new job and lived in a hotel. His home teaching companion was Austin Collie who plays for the Colts. He had to quickly learn how to adapt to cold mid-west winters and how to de-ice a car. I had to learn how to parent alone and do all the duties I was use to Ryan helping me with. Gratefully my parents made the transition easier for everyone and my Dad was everything my boys needed when they needed him.

February- Nate celebrated his 5th birthday in Utah with miniature golf at Trafalga. To keep the boys busy during the cold winter months we made visits to Aunt Shari's and BYU's Bean Museum. Ben and I made a trip to Indiana to visit Ryan. We arrived a day after a horrible ice storm and it snowed 6 inches while we were there. I got to see downtown Indianapolis for the first time and was pleasantly surprised by how warm and kind the people in the mid-west are. It was sure hard to say goodbye to Ry when we had to fly back home.

March- Ry flew to Utah to see his boys. I'll never forget the sweet look on the boys faces when they saw their Dad and the look in Ry's eyes when he got to hug his boys. We sure were grateful for skype for Family Home Evening and our nightly calls on the phone to say prayers. Ryan may have been a thousand miles away, but he made every effort to be there in spirit with us every night.

April- Ben celebrated his very first birthday. Ry joined us via skype and sat on the picnic table and watched live as Ben ate his birthday cupcake. As the weather warmed up Nate loved to be outside every day catching his pet snake and playing with him. We had fun making trips to Malad to visit my sister's family and we loved to make our trips into Salt Lake to tour around the church sites.

May- Ryan and I celebrated our 9th anniversary together in Utah. We also found out this month that Ry would be taking a job in New Jersey and that our family would join him in June. It was amazing how quickly it all fell into place and how perfect of a situation it was for our family. Ryan started his new job in May and worked hard to find us a place to live.

June- The boys and I wrapped up our Utah life and packed up my parent's basement. My parents did so much for us while we lived there and it was sure hard to say goodbye after only being back home for such a short time. School ended for Jack and Nate that first week in June and on the 6th my niece Shaunie and I packed up the van and the four boys and headed out on our cross-country trip. We stopped for a day in Nauvoo and had such a wonderful time. On Friday evening we finally pulled into New Jersey and Ryan was there to welcome us to our new home with wide open arms. We still didn't have a place to live so we made a visit to my brother in Maryland and I got to visit Washington D.C. and NYC for the first time. It was a very busy month.

July- We moved into our rental townhome and officially started our New Jersey life. Ryan loved having his family and a home and it seemed heaven on earth. The boys made nightly visits to the marsh to catch frogs and on the weekends we made family trips to the beach. Our ward family embraced us and we quickly made some amazing friends and found ourselves quite at home in New Jersey. We made a trip to Palmyra, New York for the Hill Cumorah Pageant and had an amazing time. We also made a trip to Virginia to visit my brothers and his family again.

August- Ryan celebrated his 32nd birthday on the same day that Hurricane Irene made its arrival to New Jersey. The hurricane passed directly over us and at some points during the night I feared our home would fly away, but we were blessed and had no damage or flooding. Just a week before we also experienced a big earthquake for this area that really shook us up. We also had the most rainfall during this month than New Jersey had seen in a very long time.

September- Jack celebrated his eighth birthday and started the 3rd grade. Nate started kindergarten and was a natural at being a school boy. The boys love their school and all the specialty classes they get to participate in. Jack is excelling in his music and art classes and Nate is becoming a budding artist. Mack is my buddy at home and we enjoy the alone time we get together while Ben naps and the boys are at school. Ry was busy busy at work and got to take a weekend trip to San Francisco for a seminar which meant he got to see all his family and friends. Ryan's mom also came to visit and was our first official visitor.

October- Jack was baptized on the 1st and officially became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. That same week Ryan was also called into the bishopric and a week later Ben was welcomed into nursery. Our life just seemed to get crazier. Ryan was able to make a weekend trip to Utah for his sister's wedding and I was totally jealous he got to be with all our family.

November- Ryan and I enjoyed having a less busy month and had fun just being together as a family. We have our family fun nights every Friday where we have sleepovers in the family room. Ryan takes the boys running at night, and I loved taking my boys to Holmdel Park to see the farm animals and go fishing in the pond. We also got to enjoy our first New England Fall. The biggest excitement of the month was having my parents come to visit and getting to spend Thanksgiving with them. We made a trip to Virginia and had a fun trip into D.C. It was so hard to say goodbye not knowing when we'd get to see them again.

December- We kept waiting for the New England winter to hit, but here it is the 30th and we're still waiting. Me and the boys love our movie nights. Jack is so happy being a boy scout. And every Wednesday Ryan works at the church doing his calling and Nate is his buddy the whole time. Mack and Ben seemed to run circles around me and are my little helpers in the kitchen at every meal. Just tonight Mack helped me peel the carrots and Ben loves to stir whatever is cooking on the stove. Of course we still have our dance parties in the kitchen and we sing songs constantly to each other. Christmas has now come and gone and was much quieter this year then we are use to and we found ourselves missing our family. Gratefully we have good friends who we got to spend the holiday with and we feel so blessed to know that our ward family is our family now.

It seems crazy to think that a year has come and gone. It was such a busy and fun filled year for us, overflowing with lots of excitement, adventures, trials, and challenges. And looking back we can definitely see how the Lord had his hands in everything we did and He was definitely watching over us every step of the way. We look forward to the next year and what joys it will bring and Ryan and I have an even firmer testimony of the Savior and how He is involved in every detail of our lives. Praise be to the Lord for the good life our family has been blessed with.

Side note: I wish I could have a picture to accompany each month, but I don't so if I can get pictures off my old hard drive I will definitely have to put together a slide show of all the amazing places we've visited this past year.

Christmas in Pictures

2011-12-28T17:55:00.000-08:00

We had such a fun Christmas week. (My computer is up and running again so now i can blog once again.) Our first big event last week was the surprise visit of Santa on a fire truck. The boys also got candy canes.

Wednesday we made our chocolate covered popcorn and delivered it to a few friends (who live close).
Friday we had our friends over for dinner and a puppet show. Our neighbor Michie also came over. She brought the boys wonderful gifts that got them all excited for Christmas. While I was getting ready for our party Ben found his Dad's razor and shave his upper lip. It was bleeding horribly. Luckily, Ryan's co-worker had bought the boys each a cool canister of bandaids. We decided these ones were perfect for Ben.

After a delicious dinner the kids put on a puppet show. Ryan was the narrater.

It was quite adorable.

The actors.

That night we placed all the presents under the tree. We decided to have the boys open presents from Ryan and I Saturday morning and the Santa presents on Christmas.

Saturday morning the boys had so much fun waking up to all these presents to open. Ben's favorite was that big stuffed bear. We dress him in Ben's clothes and call him Cocoa. They loved each of their presents and I was so glad to see them being grateful for what they got.

Mack was easy to please. Once he saw he had gotten his pillow pet he was happy to open whatever else.

Nate was way excited about his art set.

Jack was way excited about the remote control helicopters Aunt Kristin and Uncle Martin got them. Ryan seems to like them the most!!

Grandma Judy sent them some awesome BYU hat and gloves. Don't they look so adorable.

Jack got his dream art case and call himself, "The artist on the go." I thought it was a pretty awesome gift to give until a couple days later when the oil paint got on the carpet, on the bathroom sink, on the walls, and on some clothes. Now I'm rethinking the gift, but Jack has promised me he will do better at keeping it hidden. Jack sure loves art.

Christmas morning the boys woke to stockings and gifts from Santa. It was anti-climatic since we had to rush to get ready for church and they had opened the most exciting gifts the day before, but I kind of enjoy the fact that Christmas wasn't over-loaded and crazy.

The boys were just happy there was candy involved.

Ryan conducted the special Christmas program and sang in the ward choir. He did a fabulous job and the spirit was amazing. Our Bishop's son had just returned from his mission so we enjoyed feeling his sweet missionary spirit. I got a great surprise when a friend in our ward surprised me with a swiffer vacuum. She had told me about theirs the week before at church and insisted on getting me one for Christmas - so thoughtful. After church we came home to enjoy more together time and make a special ham dinner together.

The cool gift Ry's co-worker gave the boys. They are so much fun and greatly needed.

Nate's cool helicopter.

Nate also got bubble bath so we had to try it out of course. Ben seemed to have the funnest time of all.

It was a beautiful Christmas. Very quiet, but very wonderful. I did find myself very homesick Christmas Eve knowing my family was all together. And we sure missed Ry's family when we did skype on Christmas Day, but Ry and I found ourselves very grateful for the special time with our boys.

Rockefeller Center

2011-12-26T07:16:00.000-08:00

As we walked from Times Square up 6th Avenue we happened to pass by FOX News. My Dad is a big fan so we had to stop for a picture and wave to the commentators. I even had to call my Dad to see if he could guess where I was in NYC. The boys thought it was pretty cool to see TV happening live.

Then we had to stop by the over-sized Christmas tree lights.

And up the street we had a view of Radio City Hall. In NYC it seems at every corner you see a familiar place or name that you've heard about but never seen.

Finally we made it to Rockefeller Center. The tree was beautiful but my goodness there were a lot of people. It was hard to go anywhere, and by the time we made it over to the ice skating rink the zambonie was out so we couldn't even see the skaters. Jack admired the Lego store across the way. The energy was incredible and everyone was having fun just being in the heart of NYC at Christmas.

The view of the tree. Mack was fast asleep in the stroller. (on the east coast they call a stroller a carriage- still not use to it)

Finally we made the long walk back to the van - 12 blocks. We got to see the Empire State Building all lit up. And we just happened to come across the best little pizza shop. There weren't a ton of people and the food was cheap and delicious.

I tried to get a picture of the skyline at night on our way out of the Lincoln Tunnel, but it didn't happen. You'll just have to take my word for it that the skyline of NYC at night is INCREDIBLE!

Moments of Christmas

2011-12-21T19:28:00.000-08:00

I've had so many beautiful moments this past week that I hope never to forget.

Last Friday a group of women in our ward got together to trade cookies and have lunch. As I sat and visited with these women I've come to know and love I felt so well taken care of and loved. I had told Ryan long ago and back in California that I could go anywhere the Lord sends me as long as I had good friends. And here I am . . . and as happy as can be. Just like in the past he always blessed me with good friends wherever I was, and He still does the same for me today.

Saturday was a trip into New York City. The boys were so excited and happy the entire time . . . well until the last hour when Nate was starving and he had to walk 12 blocks back to the van . . in the cold . . and hungry. But they really did great. I had one of those special reverent moments when we were walking down the street together as a family and it felt oh so good just being together. There was also a special moment when Ryan and I were waiting in line with the boys for Santa Land and Ryan and I kissed. There were all these people around us and the boys were playing around our legs, but in that moment I felt total peace and happiness.

Sunday I worked hard to get us all ready and to church on time. When I walked out to warm up the van the battery was completely dead. I tried at least 3 more times praying that this time it would start. Finally I pulled the boys all together and we knelt in a circle and prayed for a miracle. The van still didn't start. I decided Heavenly Father had his reasons and I went next door to my neighbor Michie to see if she could drive us to church. Twenty minutes later she came out of her house all dressed for church, I had only asked that she drive us to church but she offered to stay for all the meetings. I loved sharing my religion with her. When she headed home after church I felt so overwhelmed with gratitude that Heavenly Father has blessed our family with such a special neighbor. In His own way he did work a miracle that morning.

Monday night as we got ready for bed we heard fire engines. They were loud and seemed to last forever. Soon enough I saw one headed down our street with sirens blaring and moving very slow. I could only assume it was some terrible warning and that we were in grave danger. I pulled the boys away from the window and ran out front to yell to my neighbors who were all outside too. Come to find out it was Santa Claus riding a fire truck visiting all the neighborhoods and handing out candy canes. It was pretty cool for the boys. It also gave me the opportunity to meet our neighbor from a few doors down. It felt so good to know one more neighbor.

Today I took my computer to get fixed and found out every single picture I've taken in the last two years is gone! My hard drive died and along with it all my photos. Sad thing is I had a hard drive to back it up to and I never took the time. I was devastated today as I tried to finish up the last of the Christmas shopping. My heart hurt thinking about it. And I found myself so grateful for this here blog. I'm so glad I have been keeping a record here and hopefully it will never be lost.

This Christmas will be much different from the past. We don't have family to eat dinner with and we will be by ourselves opening presents Christmas morning. Part of me is sad because of it. Even Jack came to me tonight and told me how un-excited he is fur Christmas because we won't be in Utah. Then we started talking about our own Christmas and what we'll do and we both felt better. I have truly come to learn this year that Christmas is built around moments and the more moments you have with Christ in them the more special the holiday.

So this year I am hoping and praying Christ makes it into lots of moments because I know it will make it a Christmas to remember.

Times Square

2011-12-20T05:06:00.000-08:00

What Ben does when I say, "Say Cheese!"

The boys were totally fascinated with all the lights.
The Beck Boys take on the streets of New York . . . together.

There were cartoon characters everywhere that Mack recognized, but the one he seemed to like the best was a bowling pin. Who would have thought?

We thought we'd take a break from the cold and see inside Toys R' Us. It was NUTS! There were so many people, but somehow we managed to keep our boys close. They had such a great time.

Except Ben who feared he would be eat alive by the life size dinosaur.

I love the look of wonder on Mack's face. He has the BEST facial expressions. Ry says, that is how speaks . . through his smile and his eyes. . . and now he even uses his eyebrows.

Me and Ry in Barbie form.

On to the tree in Rockefeller Center.

New York City - at Christmas

2011-12-18T16:24:00.000-08:00

Although we've been here for 6 months now we still hadn't been in New York City as a family. Ry and I decided it would be a fun family trip if we went in at Christmas. We planned out the day and the boys were so excited for the adventure. We decided to drive in. Our first mishap of the day was our stupid GPS that doesn't get Manhattan addresses so it led us to an address in Queens. We didn't realize it until we were on the bridge headed into Queens. Luckily the traffic was light so we drove on through battery tunnel and into Manhattan. We just happened to drive by ground zero which was on both of Ry and I's "must see" list. We finally made it to 34th street and Macy's. But first we stopped to eat lunch. As you can see it was a little chilly.

Jack and Nate were crazy with excitement.

That is the view when you first come in. There were mobs of people and it didn't feel so magical as it did crazy. We weaved through the store with our stroller and four boys and finally made it to the 8th floor to Santa Land. When we finally got there an elf told us the wait to see Santa was 1 1/2 hours. Ry said "Forget that." so we decided to do a quick peak through a window. When we got up to the window another elf offered to let us cut in line and so we did. It meant it took us 5 minutes to get into Santa Land. What a sweet elf.

The boys were totally enchanted by Santa Land and Mack and Ben had the look of wonder on their faces the entire time. Its too bad we had an elf at every turn telling us to "keep moving" and "hurry along." It seemed we barely had time to enjoy it and I was glad we hadn't waited the long wait just to be rushed. They have it well planned though because they have 4 small cottages that each have a Santa. It meant our family had a personal encounter with the big guy and got to take pictures. Ben wasn't so sure about Santa but Mack had the biggest smile on his face the whole time. He just had no clue what to say when Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

In every family picture it amazes me how big our family looks now. Nate kept asking if Santa's beard was real and I was so worried he would try tugging on it to find out. Luckily he didn't.

The whole time we were there we kept thinking about the movie "Elf." When the elf in Santa Land started singing we sang along for Christmas spirit, but people looked at us like we were a little weird. When we hit the revolving doors on the way out Jack and Nate just had to go around and around and around.

This is our view when we stepped back out onto the street - The Empire State Building. Ry and I have a goal of going to the top together to see the view. Our favorite movies are An Affair to Remember and Sleepless in Seattle so we've romanticized what it would be like.

We loved seeing the window displays. Each window was sponsored by a celebrity. They were amazing.

Nate's eyes say it all. This is my favorite picture of the day.

That sign back there says, Biggest store in the World. There were 9 floors to Macy's. Funny thing was I didn't have the slightest desire to stay and shop. Too many people and too much noise. I did love the group of carolers standing on the corner singing loud and clear beautiful Christ-Centered Christmas songs. It was beautiful. I made eye contact with one caroler and tried to say with my smile - - "Christ is the real reason for the season."

The Christ 'Child' in my Children

2011-12-15T17:58:00.000-08:00

At Christmas time I love to think about Christ the child. I imagine him as a newborn baby wrapped in his Mother's arms sleeping snug in her arms. I imagine him at 20 months old climbing on everything and speaking his first words like, "Mama" and "Dadda". I imagine him as a 3 year old full of questions. I imagine him finding comfort from his Mother when he is sick or hurt. I love to imagine him 8 years old learning how to work from his Dad and learning the basics of carpentry.

Then I love to think of my own four little boys and the Christ-like qualities I see in them. Children truly are closer to heaven than us adults. Just today I sat and watched Ben as he found my hat and put it on. He then walked around like he was a big guy and with such attitude. I thought to myself how his life is so good, easy, and wonderful. His biggest upset is when he has to go to bed or doesn't get the treat on top of the fridge that he really really wants. His needs are so simple and his spirit is so full of light.

I love snuggling with McKay. I treasure him being small enough that I can hold him in my arms. I love that he is still small enough for me to kiss him a million times and hug him as tight as I want and he can't get out. I savor the moments when he is on my lap as I read him a story. His innocence is so pure and clean. His world is so simple and good.

I love listening to Nate talk. He LOVES to talk. He talks to anyone and everyone. I remember how he waved hello to everyone when he was just Ben's age when we would go grocery shopping. I love how he has such faith and is often found praying over anything and everything. He is so quick to forgive and loves to serve others.

Then there is Jack, my newly baptized boy. He is at an age now where he is learning in a very personal way the difference between good and evil. I watch as he battles it out in his conscience - the good and the bad. His eyes are open and he begins to see what the world truly is. He has such a desire to do what is right and be good.

What I love is that I get to spend my days with the boys and be constantly reminded of Who Christ was and is. I am reminded of Who and What I should be.

There is a song I love to sing to my boys and have sung since Jack was born.

(name) I love you
(name) I do.
Heavenly Father has sent me to you.

When I am near you.
I love to hear you,
Whisper so softly that you love me too.

(name) I love you.
(name) I love you I do.

I truly believe that I was sent to Earth to be their Mother. The good Lord knew if Melissa was going to make it back home she'd need four amazing little boys in her life (5 if you count Ryan) to help her.

And oh how they do.

So during this Christmas season it is my goal to relish in my boys' Christ-like attributes and find ways that I can emulate them more myself.

(side note) I wrote this after a really tiring day and I asked myself more then once today if I can survive Motherhood. But the Spirit was kind enough to remind me of my place and my purpose and my blessings. Thank goodness!!!

Another family picture attempt

2011-12-11T14:49:00.000-08:00

I know better than to expect the perfect pictures. So instead I've learned to go with the flow and appreciate the funny pictures most. I mean, really, isn't it more true to life?! Not to mention, I think it captures the boys' individual personalities so much better.

Exhibit A: Jack the teaser
Nate the goofball
Mack the cheeser
Ben the odd ball.

So then we decide to do an angry face. Nate has the best animated faces.

So then we tried serious. Of course when Ry and I look all 'serious' our boys decide to do their perfect smiles. Well at least 3 of them. Love that blue eyed boy.

Last we do silly. There we go, we finally all do the face we're suppose to do at the same time. Must mean we are naturally silly.

The best family picture we got. I've decided turtle necks are not a good idea for family pictures. . .

and its best to take pictures when its warmer outside and the farm isn't about to close.

Jack posed himself for this picture. I LOVE LOVE LOVE those curls.

Jack has become the natural at posing for the camera, I trained him well.

Love my boys.
Love my life.
Love family pictures!

US

2011-12-09T06:21:00.000-08:00

I am currently just working at Mother Survival 101. Sometimes I am totally in control and feel like my house is a well-oiled machine. But most of the time life feels chaotic and crazy and I am glad if I make it to my bed each night. Don't get me wrong, there are still a ton of amazing little moments that its reaffirmed that I am doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing. I just have a lot of moments that I wonder how the heck I'm going to do it.

This picture says a lot about my life right now. I am in a beautiful place with so much happiness around me, but I am constantly carrying a load and I am trying to carry it smiling. Its the life of a mom indeed.

Then there is Ben. In moments like this when he is covered in mud I call him, "Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez!!!!!" (Sandlot) And trust me, he gets called that name a lot. He can be one naughty little boy. But then after he is all cleaned up and the mess is gone I smother him with kisses and we both are friends again. Ben talks more and more and says words like, "Mine" and "Stop" and "No" and "Bath" and on. My personal favorite that totally annoys Ryan is when he yells out in an excited voice, "Mom!" again and again. I know its a phase so I am just enjoying it. Ben has already mastered how to tease his brothers and is really good at getting out doors and climbing. He has fallen off the kitchen table only once which resulted in a slight concussion. It seems this kid ups the crazy in my life every day.

Jack is what he calls himself, "Popular." He told me that even the 5th graders know his name. He loves his music and art classes and is working really hard at perfecting his art skills. All he wants for Christmas is art supplies. He asks me to draw a picture (usually get ideas from books) and then he colors them. We make a pretty good team. Jack is totally annoyed by his brothers right now and is always frustrated with them. He often comes home to a messy bedroom with his stuff everywhere. His pictures get drawn on and his lego creations get destroyed. I do feel bad for him, but I know its part of life and I think he'll be better for it. We sure have a lot of fighting over it all and I get frustrated for him. He loves to play Harry Potter on the piano and is always coming up with his own songs. He really has an ear for music and I am excited to see him progress in it.

Mack is still in pull-ups. The poor little guy is torn between being a little boy and a big boy. He wants to be a big boy when it comes to doing things with his Dad, but when he is home with me he knows that big boys take on more responsibility and he doesn't want it. Mack is scared of monsters in his room and has to snuggle up to Jack in bed every night. He loves to read books and that is probably his favorite past time. He loves to play on the computer and he is learning his letters and numbers. Just the other day he pointed out the letters and numbers on my license plate. His speech is coming along, but he needs work on the pronunciation. We're trying to get him into a speech therapy through the school, but everything is slow going. Mack is our quiet giant and we love his sweet happy personality.

Nate is our kid who wants to be a man. He always has. He is always trying to be bigger, be smarter, be faster, be cooler. He has is a very competitive boy and hates when he is last. He loves school and loves learning. He makes me laugh every day. He tells me the funniest things. Like saying I should ask Santa for a little girl because "Santa can do anything." He asked if he could be Jesus for Halloween and now he wants to be Santa next year. Nate is hilarious!!! He is secretly naughty though and I constantly catch him in the act of doing things he knows he shouldn't. He loves to color on the walls and write his name on everything!!!

Ryan is what we call Superman. He works hard at everything he does and is awesome with his boys. He has been working so hard at teaching them to have better manners, work at home more, and teaching them respect. I am grateful for his help and the boys love the time they get to spend with him. He loves his work and serving people. Jack and I love being his patients and going in to visit him.

Life is good.

A beautiful message

2011-12-04T15:11:00.001-08:00

Welcoming Christmas

2011-12-02T15:27:00.000-08:00

The first evening my parents were here we had a very special Family Home Evening. We pulled out our $20 fake Christmas tree purchased from K-Mart 9 years ago when Ry and I had our first apartment. I hadn't moved the Christmas decorations to Jersey so we opted to make our own. My mom helped the boys make cinnamon/glue ornaments and she took them to the Dollar Store to pick out a few more. We bought some lights and firewood too. That night my Dad built a fire in the fireplace as the rest of decorated the tree.

Yes! It is a small pitiful tree, but it has so much sentimental value. It also is a sweet reminder to me every year that simple means does not mean a simple Christmas. My hope and goal every year is that the boys' memories of Christmas will be rich with giving, serving, and loving. All our decorations will be homemade this year; homemade paper snowflakes, white paper chains, and child drawn pictures of Santa and Elves. I love it, and so do my boys.

And when the decorating was done we made s'mores from the fire, sang Christmas songs, and read scriptures. It was wonderful.

I love Christmas! I love that it means service, giving, and loving. I love that I get to listen to Christmas music all month, and I love the spirit it brings into our home.
Christmas in New Jersey . . . so exciting!

Washington D.C.

2011-11-29T07:11:00.000-08:00

That's our Nations Capital. The day after Thanksgiving we made a trip into D.C. to enjoy the smithsonian museums. I couldn't believe how many there were. We decided to go to the Native American and Air and Space Museums.

The kids were so excited to be there. (Their faces are suppose to match the masks above them)

In the main common area there was the coolest ceiling that made our voices echo. The kids thought I was so silly for laying on the floor and listening to myself echo.

Beautiful statue made by a man in St. George, Utah.

The view from one of the windows. Those are other museums.

The kids were fascinated by the gun display.

Chase was fascinated with her Dad's ears.

We just happened to be there for a big dance show put on by some Native Americans from Alaska. The kids loved it.

Especially when they got to go out and dance with them. They were dancing the "Killer Whale" dance.

Couldn't resist this picture. Yes! I get my goofiness from my Dad and so does my brother Ryan.

King of the Rock.

And then my battery died on my camera and I didn't get a single picture in the Air and Space Museum. Totally sad about it.

Harpers Ferry

2011-11-29T06:51:00.000-08:00

It was a gorgeous day Saturday. So my brother got online and looked for a great place to visit as a family. We all agreed on Harpers Ferry. None of us had been there before so it was a new adventure. We ate a picnic lunch and then took the bus into town.

Mack has been in heaven being with my parents.

Once we pulled in to the town we were all in awe and wonder at this little old town, and it felt like stepping back in time. They are all waving "Hello." Be sure to wave back :)

The Davies Family. Doesn't it look like Ben would totally fit into their family.

My Dad. He is always such a fun guy to go on trips with. He loves exploring new places.

The Littles. These two were so good to sit in their strollers the entire time and didn't hardly make a peep. It seemed they were enjoying being outside and loving the perfect weather.

My kids have to always make funny faces. Nate is holding a Ranger book. The kids each got a book and as we walked around town they were able to answer questions. At the end of the day they got a badge from the Park Ranger. They thought it was the coolest.

The mural is what Harpers Ferry looked like back in the day. It was a town used for making guns during the time of the civil war.

My amazing parents!

The town has been kept up beautifully.

There is a beautiful church sitting up on the highest hill. It was built in the early 1800's. The stone steps leading up to it were the original.

Here is the view from the church. As you can see where the two rivers meet is also the boundaries for Maryland, Virginia, and West Virginia.

All the kiddos.

For some reason the kids got it in their minds that the church was haunted so Jack "thought" he heard the organ playing when we were walking around it. He, of course, had to make a funny face.

Along the way the three year olds found a candy store, and just had to have wax lips.

Mack had the hardest time holding his in with his teeth.

Such a great day. We ended it with a drive to Cafe Rio. Their food has never tasted quite so good. I told Ry we should open one up in Jersey. . . if only.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-25T17:30:00.000-08:00

My parents surprised me a couple of months ago when they called and told me they'd be coming out to the East Coast for Thanksgiving. Their plan was to fly in to New Jersey and then we'd spend Thanksgiving weekend with my brother Ryan and his family in Virginia. We've all been anxiously waiting for them to come out here and we're so glad to have them.

We tried to do lots of fun things like; a trip to the beach, New York City, and the Historical Society to do geneaology . . . but the rain kept us from doing any of it and we spent a lot of time just hanging out.

Wednesday we made the drive to Virginia and Thanksgiving day we cooked, ate, and relaxed.

Alexis was a wonderful hostess and we had a fancy, delicious, and wonderful meal.

The adult table - some of my cousins were there.

The kids played a game of mud football out back. Nate got covered with mud after Jack pushed him down to keep him from scoring.

Ben got a little dirty too.

My Dad was delighting in the weather, the grandchildren, and the gooooood food.

Me and my man. He had to leave shortly after to get back home for work Friday . . . poor guy. But he did get to stop in Baltimore on the way and meet up with an old mission companion from the Phillipines.

My amazing parents who totally made my Thanksgiving by coming out here. Thanks Mom and Dad!!! It also was their anniversary and they've been married 46 years.

The host and hostess. (For some reason whenever we (Jack and I) take pictures of these two they are always kissing . . .

We finished off the day with eating delicious pies and playing charades over skype with my sister Jill and her kids. Lex and I made a late night shopping trip to Toys R' Us after the kids were all in bed, and now most of my shopping is done. Such a busy and wonderful day. Thanks Ry and Lex!!

I'm so grateful . . .

2011-11-23T05:10:00.000-08:00

to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints . . A Mormon.

(Tomorrow is not only Thanksgiving but it is also the 46th anniversary of my parents getting sealed for time and all eternity in the LA temple. The day our family began. Good day for sure.)

There are about a bazillion reasons why I am grateful to be a Mormon, but I've narrowed it down to 5.

#1 I'm grateful for the Priesthood. It seems so many of the blessings I receive in this Gospel come through the priesthood. I am grateful that my husband is a bearer of the priesthood. I'm grateful that my boys will someday hold this great priesthood and bless others' lives the way mine has been blessed. I'm grateful that through the priesthood power I am able to spend eternity with my family.

#2 I'm grateful for Relief Society. I love this organization of women. I love that it is organized so well and is founded on the principle of Charity. I love that it means women everywhere in the world are able to be a part of society that teaches them to love all, serve all, and strengthen each other. I love that it means that no matter where on Earth I go I will always have a group of women to receive help from, get support, and enjoy friendships.

#3 I am grateful for Temples. A couple weeks ago I was able to visit the Manhattan Temple for the first time. I was amazed by how peaceful and quiet it was inside despite being located in the heart of New York City. I was awe-inspired by its ornate beauty and elegance. I was there with friends, but the temple is really all about family. Some would say the temple is a Secret, but its really Sacred. I'm grateful for the blessings my family receives through the temple.

#4 I am grateful for Ward Families. I've been a member of 6 wards in my life, and in each one I've been so blessed to know so many amazing people. People I will be close to forever. I've learned so much in each ward and I have always felt loved and taken care of. I've never had to lean on a ward like I have with our present one though. They have truly become our family. One friend said of our ward, "Its our duty as your ward family to help you with ridiculous requests (he was referring to an early morning airport drop off) because that is what we do for each other, for ward family." We've already had so many do so much for our family. And its been a huge blessing for us because we are so far from our own family.

#5 I'm grateful for the Lord who leads and guides this church. How do I know He leads and guides us? Its in the small print, the little details. Like: the patriarchal blessings most members receive in their youth. A blessing that gives each person a glimpse into eternity and an eternal perspective of who they are and who they WILL become. Its the nursery class at church each Sunday that makes it possible for young Mother's to attend their church meetings while their little ones are taught primary songs and given a short lesson. It's the Visiting Teachers that come to visit every month and who make phone calls and dinners when they feel inspired to do so. It's the Father's Blessings that Dad's are able to give to their children when they are in need of direction and blessings.

Oh yes. I LOVE being a Mormon, and especially at this time of year I am reminded of how blessed I am to be one.

Primary Program

2011-11-21T04:58:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite Sundays has to be when the kids participate in the Primary Program. I always love how strong I feel the spirit when the children sing. This song was definitely the most powerful. Jack even called it a special song.

The other best part was hearing Nate at the very end singing Praise to the Man and he sang it nice and loud above all the other children. Ryan and I looked at each other (he got to sit by us) and said "That's our kid."

Enjoy this video of the Gethsemane song. Its beautiful!

Fun YouTube videos we've been watching lately

2011-11-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

and

The story of the leaves.

2011-11-15T19:30:00.000-08:00

We are playing outside as much as possible before it turns bitterly cold. Today we had fun piling up leaves and jumping in them. At first Mack found a pile of leaves in the gutter and took a giant leap, only to find that its not quite as soft to land in when the pile is on the street as opposed to on the grass. Poor kid hurt himself. So it didn't take much convincing to get him to make a pile on our lawn. He worked so hard to transplant the huge pile of leaves from one spot to the other. Ben was happy to help. Here they are proudly showing our neighbor their huge pile. Mack kept holding his hand up as high as he could and telling me that is as high as he wanted the pile to be. We just didn't have enough leaves.

He had a much softer landing this time.

Ben had fun jumping in too.

Then Ben hopped on Mack's bike and took a ride down the sidewalk.

Mack didn't like having his brother on his bike and came running after him. I love this action shot. Mack LOVES riding on his bike.

So while Mack rode around, Ben had a seat on the sidewalk and ate a leaf.

Just an hour later Mack heard our landscaper guys outside with their loud leaf blowers. He ran outside to find his huge pile of leaves destroyed and soon after another guy came and ate them up with his lawn mower. It was very traumatic for Mack. At least there is still a good amount of leaves on the trees so maybe next week we can have our leaf party again. I hope so.

Change in seasons

2011-11-13T11:09:00.000-08:00

Here in Jersey we've had a beautiful fall. Only a few days have been cold and we've had a lot of surprisingly warm days. On the days that it has been warm we've headed to the park with some of our friends to play football and soccer.

On the cold days we love that it means hot chocolate and fires in the fireplace. Last Sunday we got to have a fire and watch Singing in the Rain. It was wonderful and reminded me of Sunday evenings in California with Grandpa Beck with the fire going, caramel popcorn to eat, and a fire to sit by.

These two boys love to be silly . . . when they aren't fighting with each other of course.

Ryan and I have waited 10 long years to have a home with a working fireplace.

I love this picture. Nice and snug in the arms of my sweetheart.

In a week my parents fly in for their first Jersey visit and soon enough it will be snowing and Christmas.

I LOVE this time of year!!!

Happy Friday 11-11-11

2011-11-11T06:09:00.000-08:00

And just so you smile at least once today.

Its gonna be a good day when it starts silly.

How do you know

2011-11-09T04:54:00.000-08:00

When you're done creating life, that the time for bearing children is over?

Heavy question I know, but something every woman thinks about. In today's world four is a big number, heck people would have told me to stop at two. Then this morning I see on the internet that the Duggar family is expecting their 20th child. They've had my family 5 times over. I have to ask myself, What is our family number suppose to be?

Before Ry and I got married our Stake President sat us down and gave us some wonderful marriage counsel. The greatest counsel he gave, and sadly, the only thing I remember is . . . "Make sure the last one gets here." He had eight or nine children of his own.

So the question I ask myself isn't how many children should I have and how many can I handle but, "Is our family complete?"

Of course, anyone who's read this blog knows that I've dreamed of having a little girl my whole life. Every baby doll I ever had was a little girl. I would put her in dresses and I pretended to nurse her. I took care of her like she was a really baby. I've had dreams about her and in every dream I am so completely happy to have a daughter.

It seems so selfish to say to myself, I know I'd have another one if it was a little girl. Then when I think about another boy I think, I can wait a little longer. Yet, there are times that I feel so strongly that our family isn't complete and that there is one more seat belt in our van. One more open space for a child to fill.

And then I know, I'm not done. Our family isn't complete.

Truth be told,

that frightens me.

Four little boys feels like a lot and so many time I feel like I have reached my capacity for patience, energy, and time. I already feel stretched to my limits. So could I really handle being a mother to one more?

What I am so grateful for is the Spirit. It really does help make big decisions like this. In the quiet moments when there is peace and quiet in my home and in my soul, I am able to feel and know what I am suppose to do and what is the right choice. And gratefully, the Lord knows what I can handle and what is to be. He doesn't pressure me or make me feel guilty, I do that, instead He prompts me, guides me, and points me in the right direction. Oh how I love how the Lord leads us in decisions. I wish I could be more like that with my boys.

So the answer????

I don't know yet.

But the Lord knows, and so I have total faith in Him, and He'll make sure things happen just the way they should when they should. I just have to trust in Him.

By the window

2011-11-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

Early in the morning Ryan and I sat downstairs reading at the kitchen table. We were joined soon by Mack and Ben. At one point Ben opened the shade to reveal the most vibrant and beautiful color of orange. So we opened the shades to behold the most amazing sunrise.

At lunchtime Nate asked me to take some pictures of him. And this is what he did. That kid has the best facial expressions.

At dinner I was enjoying watching my boys and pulled out the camera. Jack jumped up and posed.

Then Nate had to pose. How I love just the common every day moments with my boys.

Today we were all playing in the front room when Ry told me to look over to the door and we all saw this.

And this.

Of course Mack had to join in too.

The reason why my sliding doors are so dirty.

Oh yes! My life is oh so crazy good.

Trunk or Treat

2011-11-01T15:05:00.000-07:00

Halloween is NOT my favorite holiday. I love all the fun it is for my children but I don't get all excited for it. Luckily, this year my boys pulled out costumes from the bin and I didn't have to buy a single accessory. I did attempt at making Mack a viking that hunts the dragon, but after all the work of getting to the store and finding the hat and the facial hair Mack informed me he wanted to be a pirate. I told him I had all the stuff he needs at home, but he was not happy with that. He was expecting me to buy a brand new pirate costume. I then had to listen to him cry for the 20 minute drive home. So on the day of our trunk or treat he was refusing to be a pirate. Finally, when I told him he'd get to wear a beard he was all for it and finally let me get him dressed. While I got Ben ready Nate heard me ask Jack to get scissors to trim up Mack's vest that was fraying. Nate misunderstood and thought Mack's HAIR needed a trim. He decided to trim his own hair at the same time. So now I have two boys with small patches of hair missing, lovely! Finally, I got the food packed up, the boys packed up, and all the extras.

Crazy enough, it snowed all day Saturday which meant blizzard like conditions for our 20 minute drive to the church. The weather was crazy and it just kept coming. The boys loved the snow and I couldn't stop them from going outside all day to play in it with their bare feet. Nate was the only smart one to get in his snow clothes and he even dragged his boogie board out to attempt sledding.

Here they are all dressed up.

So many people said how Jack made the perfect Harry Potter. His personality fits him so well.

Nate is a total Ironman.

And Ben is a total Dragon. He loved doing the growling too. Ry was a BYU football player with a child's helmet.

I LOVED my little dragon.

Jack's friend was dressed as Hermione and they looked so adorable together. They are in the same grade. All of Jack's friends tower over him.

The Pirate Mack fishing for candy.

By the end of the night this is how we all felt.

Halloween

2011-11-01T14:36:00.000-07:00

The boys school had a parade of costumes in the afternoon at school. The crazy part was the parents who came dressed up as freaky characters. I don't like freakiness.

Nate was pretty excited about the parade.

Jack sure loved the parade too and kept pretending his wand was a guitar and was putting on a show for everyone. Man, that kid loves attention.

The freaky guy walking around.

Love that smile.

My kids will NEVER dress up as any of these crazy dudes. I thought Mack would get scared by it all but he just stood there and smiled at the crazy clown kid. That worries me a little.

And my daughter will never dress up as a short skirted, barely dressed nasty girl either. These all look like a bunch of trouble makers if you ask me. I know its Halloween, but it is still disturbing.

I much prefer these characters. They make me smile . . . a lot! We had so much fun going to our friends for chilli and trick-or-treating. The kids had a blast.

Happy Halloween!

Harry Potter visits Princeton University

2011-10-30T18:48:00.000-07:00

I was a little stir crazy today. I had four Halloween sugar crazed boys and nothing to do. I came up with the great plan to take a drive to Princeton and take pictures. Instantly I got whines and protests, but once I mentioned to Jack how the school looks like Hogwarts and I proved it with pictures on google he was all game. I finally bribed Nate into going by promising a one-on-one with his Dad. The drive ended up taking longer than I planned and all four boys fell fast asleep which meant a very peaceful drive for me.

The other boys were good sports as I took pictures of Harry in the stone archways and in front of the gorgeous wooden doors everywhere. It was a little chilly, but my boys are tough.

Jack wasn't totally comfortable with being dressed up like Harry Potter for all the college students to see.

But once in a while his excitement would shine through and I'd get the perfect shot. I love how the sunlight lit up his wand.

My personal favorite of Harry.

Nate was even sport enough to let me take a few pictures of him. Funny kid made the goofiest faces, but I still had fun clicking away.

What a hunk!!!

Jack is hoping he can go to Princeton now for college. I told him he totally can if he graduates top of his class which means doing some serious work on his spelling and reading. (But seriously, I think he mainly wants to go because the school looks like Hogwarts and he is ALL about that right now.)

The other favorite. They were trying to smile through the cold chills.

Love these little boys of mine.

This and That

2011-10-29T09:23:00.000-07:00

I love capturing the quiet moments, the kind where your heart fills up with goodness.

I also love when Jack gets the camera and captures the fun we have. Benny loved playing with the gooey stuff we found inside the pumpkins.

Our sketch for our pumpkin, Jack's artwork.

Peace. . . something our house has been lacking with all the sibling rivalry going on lately.

Nate took carving pumpkins a little too seriously. . . with a butter knife. Poor little baby pumpkin.

Our finished product. I forgot to take a picture of it all lit up the night before. Yes, we had issues with the mouth, but whatever.

Mack found a guitar tuner and loves going around the house playing it. He also loves to sing the Harry Potter theme music that Jack plays on the piano constantly.

Me and the boys all got our hair cuts this week. I had a horrible experience with a tattooed, crazy ear-lobe, piercings everywhere stylist. She used a razor for the entire thing and said, "I cut your hair the way it wanted to be cut." I paid for a cut and style but she sent me out of their with a simple scrunching of my hair. She said, "I went for the messy look." I'm too nice to say what I really think but I was close to tears when I left. The last thing a mother of four wants is to leave a salon looking messy. Oh and she cut it way shorter than I wanted. Luckily, I'm dealing with it quite well and even braved leaving the house to go grocery shopping.

Luckily, the boys haircuts went much better and I think they all look super handsome.

Jack's before picture. He didn't want us to take the picture . . . can you tell?

Today it is snowing outside. The boys are so excited and Nate has already ran outside a few times to play in it. We're just hoping it all melts away and warms up in time for Halloween Monday. The boys had fun watching it fall outside Nate's window.

Jack has taken his art abilities to a whole new level. Its called diaper art. I'm not too thrilled there is a picture of me on my child's bum. . . but I'm raising boys so what do you expect. And yes! I went back to pull-ups on Mack.

Oh the wonder of snow.

And now on to Halloween festivities. The boys are way excited . . . and so am I.

Its been a great week.

A Beautiful Heartbreak - Must watch!

2011-10-26T04:42:00.001-07:00

consistently inconsistent

2011-10-25T08:07:00.000-07:00

Ryan told me once that to be a Pro-golfer it was all about being consistent. He went on to say how anyone can luck out and have a great game, but if you want to make it to the top and stay on top you have to be consistently good.

I've decided that the only thing I am consistently good at is being inconsistent. Over the past few years as a Mother I have tried and added so many new "tricks" in hopes that I could be successful and "on top" so to speak. But like I've said I am not good at sticking with things. I do good at them for a while and then something or someone disrupts my system and then out goes the good habit I had been working so hard at. Sometimes I'm good to remember and I bring it back, but all too often I just let it go with any hope of it working.

Yesterday I thought it would be a good idea to take inventory of my systems and see which ones I've been consistently good at and ones I haven't been. There were three things on the good list and 5 or 6 on the forgotten list I stopped there. And what makes it really sad is those things on the forgotten list are still really important ones. I'm hoping in the next few weeks to get myself motivated and gets things back to order.

The only problem with my plan is that I have four boys that have to go with the flow. I was trying so hard to get Mack potty trained, but this past week I gave up and put him back in pull-ups. I felt like a total failure and I still can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. But when the kid still pees 6 or 7 times a day in his pants and sometimes on the carpet, just for fun, I get a little frustrated. I'm tired of pee smelling things in my home. Its it too much to ask to have a home that smells good even if I have 5 boys in the house???

So potty training Mack is first on my list of figuring out a working system and make it a success.

As a Mom we have very few things that we can work towards and actually complete and say goodbye to it forever. Like laundry for instance, I feel so good when I look in the basket and its empty but later that night I already have 5 sets of clothes to wash, and if Mack had a bad potty-training day, they'll be 9 or 10. So I find myself only feeling accomplished and completed in that one thing for part of one day.

So I guess my point in all this rambling and venting is this.
If I can just get myself to stay consistent at the things that are important and really matter than I think I could actually feel like I have accomplished something. And hopefully my big payoff and success will be when I see four men standing before me who are kind, giving, righteous, hard workers and good husbands and fathers. I'll feel pretty darn good then. . . I just have to hold out . . . and be consistently faithful.

Never a dull moment

2011-10-21T18:30:00.000-07:00

Last week we went to the firehouse for scouts. Our fire safety educator was a dwarf and he was so fun to show the boys around. At first, I saw Mack just smile as he watched him and as he tried to figure out why this man was not much taller than he was.

The boys got to see inside of three different fire trucks. They thought it was pretty cool.

We've been having some gorgeous weather here and so one day after school I put Ben and Mack in the van and waited anxiously for the boys to get home. The second Jack got off the bus and saw me holding my camera bag he said, "Oh no!" They were good sports though and got in the van anyway. We rolled down the windows, turned up the radio, and sang to the music as we winded the beautiful fall colored woods on our way to the park.

There are trees EVERYWHERE and I love it.

That is how the roads look here in the East once you get off the main highway. And snuggled in those woods are gorgeous homes with huge yards.

We really enjoyed watching conference. At one point Ry was trying to bring home one of the apostles message and this picture is classic of how our boys listen. Jack does this thing where he closes his eyes and acts like you are telling him something he already knows, Nate is distracted with arm hairs, and Mack is busy looking somewhere else. We try.

Benny loved all the music during conference and I loved watching him lead the choir and dance around on his tippy toes.

Most days I am following Ben around cleaning up messes. This day he loved getting in a kitchen drawer and pulling everything out. He LOVES to unroll the tinfoil and the plastic wrap.

On a rainy day my boys love to run outside and play in the street/river. We get so much rain here, and the rain comes down hard and fast. This particular day Nate thought that if he pulled his shirt up over his head it would keep him from getting wet. It worked . . . a little bit. Mack had to follow his example too of course.

I love how goofy they look. There are so many moments as a Mom that I hope someone is secretly video taping so I can rewind and watch it again later.

Ben is Mr. Independent and loves showing us all what he can do . . . just like his brothers do. He found this little blue chair and he LOVES to push it around and sit on it. He thinks he is pretty big stuff.

My Grandma Woodward use to always ask, "Life is never dull for you is it?"
"No Grandma it's not", was always my reply. Sometimes I wish it was calm and peaceful and relaxing, but then that would mean I am home alone. I'm so grateful for all the fun and adventure these four boys bring to my life. Field trips, fall color sight seeing, rain storms, and the normal day to day stuff would be so dull without them.

18 Months old

2011-10-18T04:41:00.000-07:00

This is a very important milestone because . . . it means Benjamin is officially in nursery. Which means freedom for two hours of church and the great blessing of being able to actually attend and participate in Sunday School and Relief Society. I'm so very excited about this. Sad thing is on his first day of nursery he was unable to go because he had a horrible ear infection and fell asleep in my arms. Next week will be sweet though . . . I may do one of those leprachaun jump and kick in the hallway as I head to my class . . . just sayin. Ryan just got put into the Bishopric which means I am solo during church . . . which means . . this couldn't have been better timing. One cute thing I have to write down so I never forget. Jack and Nate were totally clueless when Ryan left to sit on the stand but Mack a few minutes later saw his Dad sitting so far away and said, "Dad sit at home" and he patted the seat next to him. It was pretty cute.

Because Ben is the fourth child, boy, he often times is strapped in his stroller when we go places. Especially when we are by a pond, river, creek, or street. I just can't trust this kid not to jump in. Even when we go to play volleyball with church friends I have to strap him in because I just can trust to let him go running through the halls. Our friend questioned me on my method and I replied, "He's my fourth." He totally gave me a hard time about it, but anyone with four children would totally understand . . . life is easier when the 18 month old is "locked down."

Grandma Judy took this picture and I love that she did. This is how my Benny goes to sleep. He has the hottest little body so he never sleeps with a blanket on him. He loves his stuffed animals.

Love that smile.

Love my boy! Sometimes I laugh when I remember the day they did the ultra sound and the technician said, "It's a boy." I remember the sadness I felt. Every time I'm told, "Its a boy" I'm not sad that I am having a boy, I just mourn the loss of that little girl. I know it sounds strange to call it mourning, but for me that is what it felt like. But I do laugh at myself for feeling that way, because now I can love and hold my little Ben and I know without a doubt. This little boy is suppose to be mine forever and and I thank the Lord every day for sending him to me. And I can't imagine our family being complete without him.

Love you Ben!

The last week in pictures

2011-10-12T11:33:00.000-07:00

I am a hat person, and I have to say Ben looks pretty darn cute in hats.

Jack is a boy scout and he loves getting dressed in his uniform every Wednesday. He always comes downstairs after getting dressed and says, "I look good huh!" Ryan is over the cub scouts and last Wednesday they had their first pack meeting. Ry did a great job putting it together and the boys had tons of fun.

Ry took off Saturday to Utah to attend his sister Jana's wedding. I was jealous that he got to spend all that time with both our families, but I am so glad he was able to take the time off work and go. Sunday was Stake Conference and I was so proud of myself for making it through 2 hours of meetings and not having to leave the room once because of a naughty or loud kid. I'd have to say it was the Lord blessing me though since I had prayed really hard the night before that I would be able to enjoy the meeting and get something from it.

Monday was Columbus Day and here in Jersey its a big deal. The kids didn't have school so a friend and I went to a pumpkin patch. We got to go on a hayride, play around on haystacks and in the corn, and buy pumpkins.

The kids had a great time.

Between the two of us we had eight kids and let me tell you, eight felt like a really big number.

Ben in all his hat cuteness.

After the pumpkin patch we stopped at McDonald's for lunch. The highlight was when Nate started singing loud enough for everyone to hear, "It's been a hard days night, and I've been working like a dog." A lady across from us was smiling and tapping her toes. I think she is a Beatles fan.

Tuesday was homemade chicken noodle soup night. Silly me had spent the morning cleaning the kitchen and mopping the floor. Not a good idea when you are planning to make homemade noodles that require flour. Of course when I had my hands sticky with dough, is when Ben grabbed a measuring cup of flour and flung it all over. Mack then thought it would be great fun to scoop up the flour in his hands and bang his hands together.

Nate had to get in on the fun and decided to pour flour on Mack and Ben's head. I thought about getting angry and then I remembered the one time, as a kid, that me and my friends got flour all over my mom's kitchen and then had the funnest time sliding all over the floor. I didn't remember my mom getting mad at me then and so I just laughed it off.

See the flour everywhere, even in the hair. And yes that is a pee spot on his pants. Mack still hasn't figured out how to enjoy life and get to the potty in time. Its a work in progress.

Nate with his mischievous smile.

Nate had fun taking pictures too.

Today Ry gets home and we couldn't be happier. I'll have to post some pictures of the wedding soon.

My Boys

2011-10-09T17:41:00.000-07:00

Every night when I put Ben to bed he looks around to each person and waves his hand and smiles, and in his own little jibber jabber say, "good night."

Whenever I remind Mack to say, "Thank you!" he just looks up at the person and gives them one of his cheeser smiles. I love when he comes up and hugs my arm and says, "My Mom."

I love how Nate talks about Jesus all the time and I love how he is the one kid who always asks for more vegetables at dinner.

Jack has a fetish with Harry Potter now and dresses up like him all the time, he spent all his birthday money on Harry Potter legos, and is already planning his dream visit to the Harry Potter theme park in Florida. He has also gotten pretty good at playing the Harry Potter theme song on the piano. He's gone from making light sabers, to swords, and now its magic wands.

Ben is figuring out how to do it all, he knows how to open the cupboards to get out food or throw away trash. He loves getting in my bathroom cupboards and pulling stuff out; his favorite is the toilet brush that he tries to clean the toilet with and gets pee water (boys forget to flush) all over.

Mack likes to escape out the front door and go running places. One day he went to the Marsh on his own, another day he ran around the court, and one day I ran out the door after him about 10 times because I just knew he was going to run down the street. While we waited for the boys to get home from school Friday, me and Mack played a fun game of Harry Potter and he would cast spells on me. Our favorite spell is Ridiculous. When I ask Mack to do something he salutes me and says, "Yes sir." Its pretty darn cute.

Nate is always talking to himself and singing funny songs that he has made up. He doesn't sing on tune and can't ever remember the words to the songs. He often times uses words in the wrong context and makes me laugh. He talks really loud all the time and constantly talks about going fly fishing with his Dad.

As you can imagine I am pretty darn tired by the end of the day. At Jack's first pack meeting Wednesday night I was venting to a friend about how tired and run down I felt. She made a very profound comment. She said, "As long as there is a mess, its means a child lives there . . and when the room stays spotless and clean it usually means a child is grown up and gone." It made me stop in my tracks and think about how much I am rushing my boys to grow up. I try so hard to treasure every moment with them, but every once in a while I let the chaotic life I live get to me and I start wishing and hoping for order and perfection. Then the Lord lovingly sends me reminders that right here and right now is some of the most important and wonderful days of my life and the messes are just sweet reminders that I am raising children.

So my new personal motto "Dirty messes and love it!" I may also make a sign to put up by the front door that reads, "Raising Boys - Beware of toys, cheerios, legos, and peed in underwear anywhere and everywhere." Then on my van's back door next to the broken light I'll put a bumper sticker that reads, "Warriors on board." And I'll wear a shirt grocery shopping that says, "Yes they are all mine, and yes God bless me I need it."

Mack

2011-10-07T04:39:00.000-07:00

This is what Mack does when we tell him to smile.

I haven't talked just about my Mack for a while. He is 3 1/2 now and such a bright and beautiful spot in my life. The other day Jack found him sobbing looking up at the picture of Grandpa and Grandma Davies. He misses them. . . a lot. It was a reminder to me that my Mack has a tender little heart.

Mack is such a great kid. He is very quiet and layed back. He rarely complains or whines, unless you are giving him a cup that doesn't match his plate or if he doesn't have HIS pillow and blanket to sleep with. Mack is smart. He really gets a lot and always has, he just doesn't feel the need to talk all the time - like his older brothers. He loves going on jogs with his Dad at night and we've learned he is competitive. He heard Nate say how Mack "goes slow" and so Mack doesn't go slow anymore and stays right up with his Dad. The day that we walked all over Central Park I barely heard him complain . . . but maybe that's because he rode on the stroller half the time. Mack loves to ride behind Ben on the stroller whenever we go places. Sometimes he still likes being my little boy, even though its becoming more and more clear he is a Big Boy.

Mack loves to read books. A friend in the ward told me how she helped out in nursery one Sunday and all Mack wanted to do was sit in her lap and read books. He loves the physical touch and individual attention. He loves stories. Mack is also a very good dancer and singer and loves to entertain our family. . . but then again, who in our family doesn't??

Mack is "Mack," if you call him anything else he will correct you.

Mack is getting more adventurous and is more of a wanderer which is not good for me since I have a crazy little Ben to always keep my eyes on. Mack loves animals. He is very tender and sweet with them. Mack LOVES babies. When my brother's family was visiting Mack insisted on sitting and holding baby Chase again and again. He sees a baby and he gets the biggest smile on his face.

My Mack is my sweetheart. He still loves to climb in my bed and snuggle right between Ry and I. . . and I love every moment of it.

Dear Mack,

I love you so much! Thanks for being such a happy little boy. Thanks for being so good to Ben. Thanks for laughing at me in all my goofiness and thank you for forgiving me when I am impatient. My world is such a wonderful place with you in it.

Love,

Mom

Jack's Baptism

2011-10-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

Today Jack was baptized. I could go into a long discourse on all the little mishaps, but this post is all about celebrating Jack's big decision. He's always been a little apprehensive about being baptized, the whole going under water thing, so I wasn't sure how he'd do on the actual day. Gratefully, Ry had prepared him well and we went to lots of baptisms this last year. Jack did great and loved being the center of attention.

Ry and Jack all dressed in white.

The proud Mom and Dad.

Jack loves to be goofy as we all know.

The baptism was beautiful. Jack was in charge of the program. I gave the talk on baptism and Judy gave a talk on the Holy Ghost. Jack soaked it all up and I could definitely tell he was loving it all. Thanks to everyone who contributed to his Testimony book . . he was so surprised to get it.

My brother Ry and his family drove up from Virginia. We loved having them there. It's obvious Jack gets his goofy side from my side.

Jack and Parker.

Ben was giving Frank (our neighbor we always talk about) a gospel lesson.

During the baptism Nate sat with his arm around Jack, it was pretty sweet.

Grandma Judy flew all the way from California to be here. She has a lot going on, but she had always promised Jack she'd be here for his baptism and so she was. We've had so much fun spending time with her and I have loved having the extra help in the kitchen and with boys. I'm definitely going to go through withdrawls when she leaves. Jack always says he gets his curly hair from Judy . . looks like he does.

It was such a wonderful day!

The golden hour at Avon By the Sea

2011-10-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

It had been raining all day, but we ventured out to the beach anyway. We are all glad we did because it ended up being the most beautiful evening and we had so much fun.

Ry told us all to do fire power (Night at the Museum reference).

All the cousins.

All the family. Aren't the colors amazing . . . its that golden time when the sun shines beautifully.

Ry and Lex in love. I love this picture.

Me and my handsome man! (He had already gotten a little wet.)

It was hard to leave, but the priesthood session of Conference was calling.

Avon By the Sea

2011-09-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

The ocean was gorgeous blue as was the sky. The sand was clean and beautiful. A little bit of heaven indeed.

The funnest thing to watch is Ben approaching the waves. He gets pretty excited.

I BEGGED my boys to dress in what I asked them to and to take pictures. We got about 7 pictures and then Jack and Nate ripped off their clothes to reveal their swimsuits and ran into the waves. It looked way too good to just stand around and take picture for Mom.

And we didn't even get the perfect picture. Don't worry I'm totally use to it.
So I had fun getting pictures of Ben instead. Here he is running away from the waves as fast as his little legs could carry him. I love the look on his face.

So happy he made it safely away. This is my most favorite picture from the day.

Judy snapped a few picture too. Isn't that background amazing!

Avon By the Sea, it seems like a place a story would take place. Maybe it would be the story of four little boys and their Mother and the fun and adventures they found while living by the ocean. They'd live the simple good life and they'd live off of fresh cow's milk, vegetables from the garden, and they'd spend their evenings taking long walks. Something like Anne of Green Gables.

Sorry, sometimes I dream about writing, but this here blog is the best I'll ever do.

Dear Husband,

2011-09-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

I love you!

You've been one busy guy lately and I've missed you.

I'm so proud of you!

I think you're pretty amazing.

So glad the weekend is just 2 days away and we get to see our son get baptized.

Life is so good with you.

Love,

Your Wife

Step It Up!

2011-09-27T03:30:00.000-07:00

It was back to school night tonight. I was really anxious to go and meet the boys' teachers and find out what systems are in place for my boys. It was a very enlightening and humbling experience.

Enlightening- Hearing and learning about all the time and effort these wonderful teachers put into teaching my children to make sure they are prepared and successful in life. I was amazed at the organization and thoughtfulness Nate's teacher puts into her class. She has such a great system in place and I love to see how she already knows my kid. I'm so grateful that Nate gets to spend a few hours a day being taught by someone so wonderful. I was overwhelmed by just how much work goes into teaching.

Humbling- Sitting in Jack's 3rd grade class and listening to the teacher tell me all that is expected of the kids to achieve this year. They are putting a lot of emphasis on the writing aspect and how well kids express themselves. I was humbled by reading Jack's writing and realizing that I need to do much better as a mom to make sure he is doing the best he can. Jack is a pretty smart kid and I've kind of just let him go at his own pace, but I realize more than ever that I need to encourage and inspire him more. I need to be less pushy and critical and more energizing as a parent. I need to motivate Jack to be and do his best. I was also humbled by how much knowledge and love teachers put into their job. They really are amazing and wonderful people.

I am anxious and excited to be more engaged in my children's learning and I am dedicating myself to be more of a cheer leader with their achievements in school. Its so imparitive to their success in life. . . I get that better than ever now.

P.S. To all you readers who are teachers or who have been. . . WOW! I am in awe. Thank you for all you do/have done.

Beck Boys hit New York City

2011-09-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

We've heard that Saturday is the best day to see New York City. And it definitely is.

We heard about a cheap parking lot, $15 for the entire day. So for the second time in my life I drove into the city. This time it was much easier and the traffic was so light it was ridiculously easy. Our first place we happened to come upon was the temple. The boys thought it was pretty cool to see a temple in the middle of the city.

Then Grandma got the boys hot dogs.

Then we had to walk quite a few blocks uptown to the Museum of Natural History. The boys love watching Night at the Museum so that made it fun for them.

Up on the top floor you get this amazing view of Central Park and the skyscrapers behind it.

Then we walked and walked and walked all over Central Park. We saw couple after couple who were getting married that day. We even saw an actual wedding take place on the biggest bridge there. The couple had come all the way from Ireland. The park was beautiful and the weather was perfect. So many people were out and about enjoying the park.

Jack had asked that he see the Balto dog statue and we just happened to find it. He was pretty excited to get up on it.

Then we found this cool slide.

Finally we made it to the much anticipated FAO Shwartz Toy Store. The boys were in heaven when we walked in the front doors and I laughed out loud when I saw all of their jaws drop in awe. Grandma gave them each some money to spend so they felt like they had the whole world at their fingertips. We of course had to make a stop at the famous Big Piano and play.

Then it was on to dinner at Angelo's Pizza.

This is how we all felt by the end of the day. Ben was the biggest trooper and behaved so well even though he spent most of the day in his stroller. I kind of enjoyed having Judy with the camera to capture the day. I just got to stand back and take it all in.

Thanks Grandma for a magical day in the Big Apple.

Side note: On the same day Ryan was in San Francisco. He had an awesome time at a seminar there, but the highlight for him was seeing all his friends and family. I totally teared up on the phone as he told me about talking to and seeing everyone. Never in my life did I think Ryan and I would each be a country apart from each other and I'd be the one in New York City with our four boys. And yet, here we are. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but oh how good his ways are.

Naters the Kindergartner

2011-09-23T06:37:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to talk about this guy for a while now. He is really quite special. Him and Jack are about as opposite as you can be which makes life interesting for me.

Nate loves to work. As long as he has someone by his side working with him he works hard and always has a great attitude. He unloads the dishwasher for me, helps Mack go potty if I need him to, and helps me cook dinner.

Nate has a lot of faith. One day when things were crazy and I was being cranky and the other boys were fighting and crying; Nate left for a little while and came back to tell me he had said a prayer that things would "calm down." Instantly I felt the spirit come into our home.

One day I was talking to our neighbor Frank, he is Nate's next door buddy and he's 47 years old. Frank told me a story about Nate that he says he share with everyone. He told how Nate was working with him in the yard one day when Nate said, "So Frank do you go to church?" Frank replied, "No." and Nate asked, "Why not?" Nate says Frank said he doesn't go because its boring and Frank told me he said he doesn't go because "some people just don't go to church." Nate then asked Frank if he'd like a Book of Mormon. Frank kindly declined the offer.

I love seeing Nate being a missionary. He really takes FHE and primary lessons to heart and tries to apply them. A couple weeks ago his primary teacher taught them to say, "thee" and "thou" when they pray and so Nate is always reminding me. Nate is also good about reminding us to read the scriptures and say our prayers. His spirit and faith is beautiful and strong.

Nate is a little fisherman. He was on cloud nine Wednesday when Ryan took just Nate on a special fishing trip to Holmdel. As Ryan and I got things ready to go, Nate jumped into the car and sat so happily with the fly fishing net on his lap and all the fishing gear. I'm pretty sure Ryan was on cloud nine too knowing that he has a little guy who loves fishing as much as he does.

Nate is definitely my sweet heart. He reminds me so much of his Dad and he always is making me laugh. I love how he's been my little angel lately and so fun to be with. He gets naughty when he is bored, but once you give him something to do he is happy as can be. And now that he gets to ride a bus and go to school he has grown up so much more and he tries so hard to be a big guy like Jack.

How I love my Nate the Great.

New Jersey so far

2011-09-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

My dream Craftsman style home with a covered porch surrounded with trees and a
garage/driveway off to the side.

Now that we've been here a few months . . . which is so hard to believe. I have learned a whole lot about New Jersey and the people who live here. So in no particular order I wanted to fill you in on all the cool facts about Jersey.

#1 We live pretty close to NYC. This has its advantages and disadvantage. We love that it means the temple and city sights are that close, but it means we get more New York City attitudes and they aren't so cool. It means people cross the street even if the light is green and they honk their horns like crazy. I found out during 9/11 week that many of the families in our neighborhood and close by cities live here, but work in NYC. Everyone has a story to tell about that fateful day. Jack's classmate's uncle was killed in one of the towers and I read in the news that one town close to us had 37 people killed that day. So we have the New York City crowd around us and it makes for real quiet neighborhoods while everyone is gone to work during the day. Its interesting to watch in the morning as all the men and women step outside dressed in their suits and ties and dresses and walk down the street to hop on the bus to take them into the city. And like clockwork between 4 and 6 pm you see them all walking home.

#2 All those NYC people have nannies. Did you know that a big share of the nannies out here were coming from Utah at one time. There are fewer now, but back in the day there were a ton. They like mormons raising their kids I guess . . or something like that. One girl in our ward is currently a nanny and from Utah. She told me stories of how the girls she tends have dressers full of clothes that will never get worn and more toys then you can imagine. And all the little four year old girl wants and desires is to spend more time with her Mom. I've heard more than once how Nannies are even called Mom a lot of the time and the children have seperation issues when their nanny leaves. Makes me think of the movie The Help. Maybe I'm on to the next big blockbuster hit . . . The Nanny.

#3 I got to serve with Mormon Helping Hands again on Sunday. It was a really neat experience. We met at our ward building bright and early and then carpooled to the stake center a half hour away. There all the volunteer workers dressed in their dirty jeans and work boots partook of the sacrament and sang the song Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel. It was a powerful and wonderful meeting full of the spirit of serving. We then left from their and drove an hour to Caldwell, New Jersey and met at the Stake Center. New York City had sent 5 bus loads of young single adults and lots of missionaries to help this time and the parking lot was full of volunteers in yellow shirts. The only word I can think of to describe it is, INCREDIBLE. Our team got to serve a 91 year old jewish lady who lived alone and was as sharp and whitty as can be. We tore down a ceiling that had been covered in mold and cleaned out a basement. She has lived in that home for 44 years and I think we got atleast that many years worth of mice poop falling on our heads when the ceiling came down. We all were praying that our service would bless us not to get sick from it all. We had three women on our team and we each took special care to mop the floors and clean up every speck of dust. She sat with tears in her eyes when we left, overcome with gratitude. I gave her a great big hug and pictured someone doing this same act of kindness for Grandma Woodward. Other ward members told about a neighborhood in Garfield where they saw horrible devastation. While they were cleaning out the basement of one house neighbors next door would holler out for help with their home. One man pulled out of the flooded basement a sopping wet Book of Mormon and said, "It must be a sign." (or something like that) Service is such a beautiful and rewarding thing.

#4 On the Sunday drive to Caldwell I was able to learn a lot of lessons from an amazing woman Gloria - She is a born and raised Jersey girl and she has loads of stories to tell. For her job she travels around to people's home and give them IVs of antibiotics. She serves people who are waiting for heart transplants and teenagers with Cystic Fibrosis. The process takes about 6 hours and so she is able to sit and visit with them during that time. She Loves her job. Her daughter was born 8 weeks early and was 10 inches long and weighed only 13 oz. Despite the grim outcome the doctors were expecting her baby was born healthy. They named her Faith. Faith is 18 yrs old now and quite amazing. Gloria had lots of things to tell me about New Jersey and the funniest part was when she told me all about fun and cheap entertainment in the area.

First stop she said has to be the baseball field and snack shack. The games are free to watch the food is great and cheap.

Next stop is Saint Rose's Church on a Saturday night for free Bingo in the basement and cheap delicious cake afterward. I laughed imagining Ryan and I playing Bingo for date night and chowing down on carrot cake after. You know I'd LOVE all that time I'd get to spend with the old people - totally serious.

Last would be at a name of a hospital I can't remember. She said at Christmas time they have the best steak dinners for only $7.99. So we'll plan our hospital visit during the holidays.

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time . . . thanks to a day with Gloria.

#5 I'm loving the school system here. Luckily I got two awesome bus drivers that take my boys and they are so helpful. The one bus driver even told me one day, "I know you are a busy mom so if you are ever running late just give transportation a call and they will let me know and we'll figure something out." The kindergartner bus calls me if I'm not out front with Nate. Jack LOVES his teacher and is working so hard to impress her. Homework isn't much of a battle because he doesn't want to let her down. He tells me every day how something he said has impressed her. I'm anxious to hear what she has to say when I meet with her next week at Parent/teacher conference. Jack loves his Spanish, Music, and Art classes. Every day they have a specialty and it totally makes each day exciting. Nate loves his class and only goes for 2 1/2 hours a day which is perfect for him. New Jersey schools are ranked 4th in the nation - guessing its from all the New York City workers who require only the best for their children. Lucky us.

I guess this will have to do for now. I've rambled on long enough. Jersey is one amazing place.

So excited for Friday. Ryan gets to fly out to San Fran for a conference and to see his friends and family. That afternoon his mom Judy flys in for the week. We have a whole week of fun activities planned - top priority - Jack's baptism. Jersey life is definitely good!!!

From Ryan's Camera

2011-09-19T04:32:00.000-07:00

These are all from this summer, but I figured better late then never.

Ben loves to eat things off the ground using his mouth. This is how he eats the spilled cheerios on the kitchen floor. Don't ask me what he is eating in this picture . . and yes, it grosses me out.

One of our favorite places to hang out is at Holmdel park where they have a farm with animals, ponds for fishing, and 2 really cool playgrounds. Its our favorite place to go.

Benny Boy. Through the last 17 months (almost in nursery) Ben has managed to lose every pacifier I've bought him, but somehow this one newborn pacifier sticks around. Its way too small, but its a life saver sometimes.

This is one of my favorites from Palmyra.

Jack got the camera and took this picture of Nate in front of the Palmyra Temple. Ry and I were sitting in the van watching. We were laughing so hard because it took Jack 5 minutes to pose this picture and Nate kept looking somewhere else or not smiling and Jack finally got this one.

What I look like to my boys. Mack had the camera this time I think. There is another embarrassing picture that Mack got of my behind that Ry just thinks is the funniest, but I will never post that one.

Here is Mack playing with rocks out front of the Smith Farm House. I imagine this is what little boys of that era did a lot for fun . . . play with rocks. I love how he is all dirty and sweaty too. Classic!

Here we are on July 24th. Ryan, Jack, and I were asked to give talks on our Pioneers ancestors. It was Jack's first talk in Sacrament meeting and he did an amazing job. He was Mr. Grumpy for this picture because he was so ready to get home and eat food. Nate took our picture.

One of our Saturday evening trips to the beach. It was a windy and coolor day this time so we didn't do much swimming. But we sure had a lot of fun playing in the sand.

I love my Naters Potaters.

And now its Fall.
On the drive to Holmdel Park Saturday the air was crisp and cool and we had to wear sweaters. I saw place after place that was having corn mazes and haunted houses and pumpkin patches. I noticed even some of the leaves beginning to change and a familiar but forgotten giddiness came over me. It has been 6 long years since I have enjoyed a true fall season in all its glory and beauty. And as fate would have it . . . I get to spend it in one of the prettiest places for fall. Its a dream come true. I got all excited at the thought of picture taking in the fall and all the beautiful drives we'll take. I imagined fires in our fireplace in the evening and drinking hot chocolate in the mornings. It also helped to know we would get to watch our first BYU (sad) football game that evening . . . oh I love the fall. Its my most favorite season.

Why I love old people

2011-09-15T15:39:00.001-07:00

I should preface this video by saying I found it on Yahoo as the big Youtube video of the day. Its two elderly people trying to figure out their webcam. I thought it was so funny I had to share.

Hilarious.

There is something so sweet about how this couple interacts. I love it!! This is how I know Ry and I will be in our old age. . . I hope.

Dear California-

2011-09-13T12:02:00.000-07:00

We miss you a lot!
We miss swimming at Parkmont Pool with our friends.

We miss our Bay with its fog rolling over the hills and the lit up bridges and the walks at Coyote Hills.

We miss our Oakland Temple in all its majesty and beauty set on a hill.

We miss our trips to San Francisco for Ghiradelli ice cream and Scoma seafood (ok only the boys miss the seafood).

We miss our Bay.

We miss our friends and trips to Sam's Chowder House to watch Martin play in his band.

We miss riding bikes in the church parking lot after school with our friends.

We miss our friends to hang out with at family celebrations, spaghetti nights, and pizza nights.

We miss our family. . . a lot.

I try not to look back too much. I am someone who gets homesick easily and so I try to just look ahead. I opt for hope than for longing. Yet, there are some days when we see a picture of California and our hearts yearn to be there once again. I don't plan on that feeling ever going away and I know all my boys feel the same way. Those years in Cali were some of the best years of our lives and I am grateful every day that I was able to enjoy it there and that our family has so many amazing memories . . . and I am so glad I took lots and lots and lots of pictures.

Love you California! (in other words we love you family, friends, and the bay)

Sidenote: Just minutes after typing this, flowers showed up on my front step from my dear friend Carrie in California to tell me she misses me and loves me. So glad to know California misses me too.

How does He know??

2011-09-12T06:24:00.000-07:00

As a parent you are always finding your faults. Your kids have a way of teaching you what you do and do not do well. Lucky for me I have Jack who is a pre-teen who is definitely teaching me a lot about myself right now. Its humbling as a parent because you never know if your children are making choices because of the things you taught them or didn't teach them. Are they making good choice because of your good example or someone else? Do your children make bad choices because of something you did? or something you failed to do?

It was a hard day with Jack yesterday and I found myself asking all these questions. To say the least, I was hard on myself and questioning my parental abilities. After all, I don't have a handbook and I don't know all the answers. And it seems I am always making mistakes. . .

We all do.

And the older the kids get the more we get humbled.

And then the Lord somehow knows you need something and so he sends . . .

someone to let you know you're doing o.k. as a parent.

Like this morning when I sent Ry off to work and we found a note and candy on our front porch. The note said.

Dear Beck Family-

We wanted to let you know that you are loved. So glad that you moved here. Very impressed with your parenting skills. Your boys are very well mannered and spiritual. You have obviously taught wonderful FHE's in your home.

Lots of Love.
You Rock!!!

After my experience Saturday seeing how a woman's prayer for help with her flooded home were answered, I am even more grateful this morning to have my prayers answered.

I may not be the best mom and I may not be getting it all right and I may make a lot of mistakes. But somehow someway, Heavenly Father is making up for where I lack and I hope that between Him, Ryan, and I these boys will turn out alright.

Some may question if prayers get answered . . .
But I tell you . . from personal experience . .
He does care and He does hear.

(And often times he sends someone else to tell you or to answer you.)

Mormon Helping Hands

2011-09-10T16:37:00.001-07:00

Let me just begin by saying that when it comes to Humanitarian Aid. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has it down to an art. This week truck loads of supplies showed up to this church in Emerson, New Jersey. Then Humanitarian Aid directors fly in from Salt Lake to coordinate the volunteers. Then volunteer workers fly in from around the country to also help with the work. One man came from Fallon, Nevada to help out us New Jersey folks. He was there in Katrina and in Joplin, Missouri and will be headed to Pennsylvania and on to Texas. The church never stops. All their funds come from money donated to the Humanitarian Aid Fund.

First everyone shows up at the church. Our stake came the farthest and we had close to 200 volunteers total there. They handed out t-shirts and gave us Cabela ice fishing boats to put all our supplies in. They've found that the boats are great for carrying sheet rock up stairs . . . came in handy for us for sure. Group leaders are assigned a job and the teams head out. They prep us all by telling us the dangers to watch for and then remind us that we are on the "Lord's errand." You defnitely feel it as such.

We gave a Hawaiin cheer (Bishop is Hawaiin) and headed out.

The "POWER" women of our group. I was so blessed to be able to go. A family in our ward offered to watch our boys so I could go. Ry was busy at work.

Our team. We were able to clean out two basements. And when I say clean out, I mean we carried out furniture, carpet, flooring, appliances, sheetrock, and lots and lots of water.

This is Sharlene on the front porch of her house. This is where I spent my day. She was a very sweet widow who was all alone. She told me how she had been praying to her husband that she could get help to clean up the mess in her basement. And her words were, "And he sent you." She was so very grateful and sweet the entire time. She took me through her home and showed me pictures of her family and told me all about her husband. She has lived in this home for 26 years and this was the worst flooding she had seen. 6 feet of water had flooded her basement and everything in it was pretty much gone. It was a very emotional day for her as we pulled bag after bag out of her basement.

At lunch break, the other man we served had bought us all pizza, I learned how New Jersey folks eat their pizza. You fold it in half like so.

The cool shirts we got to wear.

The bags we pulled out, and this is only 2/3 of it.

And here we are all finished up. We sure got dirty and gross. The black mold was everywhere and it got hard to breath sometimes. But somehow we all found the energy to keep going and we made a huge difference in this sweet woman's life. One man walking down the street stopped by to say how wonderful it was to see people who were doing the Lord's work on other days of the week instead of just going to church on Sunday. The wonderful recipients of our service were so happy to know that it was all free and we didn't even proseletyze and they weren't expected to sit through any sermons or donate any money. It felt so wonderful to give so much of myself and not expect a thing back. Sharlene was close to tears when we left . . . and when I looked back to wave one more time before we left, I was close to tears too.

Natural Disasters such as these really bring people together and Mormons and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are usually first on the scene. (inside joke that some of you may know).

The pictures of the First (CRAZY) day of school

2011-09-09T18:12:00.000-07:00

It was pouring rain. I love how both boys pose the same. Love my 3rd grader and kindergartner.

They get to ride home together. Nate's face says it all. This kid loves school!!

The classic thumbs up. Love how you can see the bus driver waving. The bus drivers here are all really nice.

First Day of School ( oh yes there is more . . .)

2011-09-07T06:58:00.000-07:00

Hot breakfast was served first thing and was gobbled up. Ben only spilled one cup of water and luckily no cheerios . . . this time. Must have been too hungry to let any go to waste.

Jack was dressed and ready to go by 7:40. He gelled his hair and brushed his teeth by 7:50.

Ryan was out the door by 8:10.

At precisely 8:15 when Jack was to be putting on his armor (see previous post on warriors) all craziness got loose.

Mack chose this time of all times to have the biggest and poopiest accident of his life. Let's just say, I almost threw up when I walked into the bathroom. I began to clean up the mess while yelling out the bathroom door for Jack to watch for the bus.

New Jersey requires that parents be at the bus stop with their children each morning. So somehow I had to clean up Mack and get out the door with Jack.

Half way through the poop mess I ran Jack to the bus stop where we waited in a down pour of rain. Mack was left with strict instructions to not leave the bathroom and Ben was put in his bed with Nate's strict instructions to not let Ben out of the bedroom.

Confusion pursued at the bus stop because we weren't quite sure where the bus stop was and because two buses were parked far down the street just waiting. I took a chance and we ran down to the buses. Being in a new state I had no idea how the buses worked. Of course the driver couldn't speak very good English so she just mumbled something and I took it as it wasn't our bus. We headed back to our stop hoping that was the right place. In the meantime we watched 8 or so buses drive by but no one stopped for us. Heaven sent, our neighbor Michie walked out of her house to go on her morning walk and offered to wait with Jack in the now even wetter rain while I checked on the crazies inside.

Inside Mack was out of the bathroom sitting on the floor looking at a calendar. I wiped him up some more and took him upstairs to the bathroom with strict instructions to stay in the bathtub and don't move. Ben was out of his room (No Nate in sight) and could have easily taken over the poop infested bathroom, but luckily I stopped him on his way there. I ran him back up to his bed and told Nate once again to not let him out of his bedroom. It was at some point during this time that Ben peed all over his bedroom floor . . I found out later with my bare feet.

Back at the bus stop and 5 buses later Jack was finally picked up. His words were, "hopefully tomorrow isn't so crazy."

I ran back to the house to bathe Mack. Once he was cleaned up I put Ben in with him and proceeded to give Nate a haircut. He gets a little tail on the back of his neck when his hair is long. So we began cutting when Ben started crying out in a sad painful cry and I couldn't figure out why. I put his pacifier in his mouth and continued cutting hair. Ben still seemed upset so I pulled him out to find a plastic toy lodged between his two chubby butt cheeks. . . he stopped crying immediately.

Nate took a shower and then joined the other two.
Finally we had three clean and dressed boys.

And yes . . .
I still had the poop mess to clean up.

And its only 9:45.

It might be a really long day.

It was a really long day.

(Added)
Actually things were quite calm at the Beck household while Ben took his morning nap and I and the boys settled on the couch for story reading. We ate a peaceful lunch and then it was time for Nate to get ready for his big first day. He was so anxious for school and not nervous one single bit. At 12:10 I sent him in front to keep on eye out for his bus. At 12:25 there was still no bus. From what the papers said we were under the assumption that Nate's bus would pick him up in front of our house at approximately 12:15. Anxiety built as I wondered if because of Nate's immunizations mix-up that he wasn't actually able to go to school. I rushed to put all three boys in the van and drive to school. Inside I found out that Nate was good to go for his first day of school and the bus just didn't ever make it to our house. While I was inside clearing things up the school nurse came out to tell me J.T. (that is what he insists on being called at school now) was sick in her office complaining of a stomach ache.

Well, after such a crazy morning I didn't have much empathy or patience and gave Jack a stern talking to and pretty much told him to suck it up and get to class. Before I could even finish my monologue/lecture he was headed out the door and back to class. The nurse was kind enough to take Nate to his class . . . so much for sweet goodbyes to my new kindergartner. I don't think he minded much.

Back at home things calmed down until the school called to give me the news about immunizations for Nate and gave me a big long to do list. I decided I would go work off all the stress of the day with a run at the gym. I packed up Ben and Mack and trucked up the long flight of stairs only to find out that the babysitting is not available during those hours. "Of course." I said to myself. Why would anything want to work out in my favor today. So we headed back home to anxiously await the arrival of Jack and Nate from school.

So New Jersey has the dumbest laws, and I found out about another one today. You have to be at your child's bus stop to pick him/her up at precisely the time the bus arrives. If you are even 20 feet away from the bus stop and the driver doesn't see you he will keep your child on the bus and take him/her back to school. This means if I am late at all I have to drive to school to pick the boys up. It also means that in the winter when there is 2 feet of snow and freezing cold I have to wait however long it takes for the bus to arrive. Today Ryan and I waited 20 minutes for the boys to show up. I can see the reasons for this rule and I may appreciate it more than hate it, but for now I think it is pretty darn stupid.

Luckily, the boys had a wonderful day at school and Nate had a wonderful first day. We've decided that each afternoon we will have a return and report where the boys will eat a snack and report on their day. We also have given them the goal of finding someone to serve at school every day and report to us what they did. I hope this will encourage them to be accountable for their actions during the day and find opportunities to help people around them. . . we'll see.

As if the drama wasn't bad enough, Ben lost his one pacifier we had left and refused to take a nap without it. He also figured out how to climb out of his playpen which means he is that much closer to more independence. At this moment he is throwing a fit in his room and hitting the door.

But I am too exhausted to do anything. . Ryan took Jack to his first night of scouts and I begged for them to let Nate tag along.

So as if this post wasn't long enough. I just had to document the happenings of the first day of school . . . especially since it was so memorable and special.

THE END!!!

And there is pictures of the boys . . but I don't even care to upload them right now so I'll do that another time.

Summer Wrap Up

2011-09-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

Jack wanted so badly to have a friend party, but I just didn't have the energy for it this year. So we opted to make it a labor day picnic with 3 other families with fishing and swimming.

The boys had so much fun fishing at Holmdel and helping a guy pull in a huge turtle.

Mack had his buddy David to help him. These two are the cutest little buddies ever. We went with them to the beach on Saturday and Mack and David held hands and hung out side by side the entire time.

Mack caught his first fish.

Jack had been planning on how to decorate his cake since we first moved here. We changed plans a few times and ended up doing this really cool Harry Potter cake. It is suppose to be the spell book. By the way, nobody warned me that cakes don't dry on the East Coast which makes it nearly impossible to frost them. I was a ridiculous mess and so was my kitchen by the time it was all said and done. I do not do well under pressure. Luckily, I have great friends who love me anyway and don't care whether I have cake decorating abilities or not . . . phew.

Nate caught his fish too.

And I would have taken a whole bunch more pictures but for some reason my camera won't focus for me. After the park we went to a ward member's house and swam. We had so much fun playing Marco Polo. I feel so overwhelmingly blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people wherever I go. Having the church is such a huge blessing when you live so far from home and family.

After swimming our friend, and swimming host, pulled out a gift for Jack (legos) and he thought she had hung the moon. I think after all was said and done, Jack thought he had had the best birthday ever and I was so glad.

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Tonight we had FHE about our family motto for the school year which is BE PREPARED. Ry and I feel like this is for us too. We planned out our daily schedules and the boys got a Father's Blessing. While Nate got his blessing my tears were close to the surface as I thought about my little Naters heading off to school. He is so excited and can hardly wait. Jack already got his clothes all laid out and backpacks are ready to go.

I'm not sure how I feel.
Go Beck Boys!!!

Celebrating Eight

2011-09-05T17:40:00.000-07:00

Jack at eight years old has done quite a lot. Just to name a few things . . .
He's knee-boarded behind a boat
Visited Disneyland and Seaworld.
He's been to Yellowstone Park.
He's caught a leopard shark with his Dad.
He's biked across the Golden Gate Bridge.
He's ridden on a ferry to New York City past the Statue of Liberty.
He's been to church sites in Salt Lake, Nauvoo, and Palmyra.
And he's swam in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans.
And his driven from sea to shining sea.

This kid has had a very full life. He's done as much as I have in a much shorter span of time.
But of all the things our family loves to see and do, the beach has to be the best.
And it only seemed right that for his birthday we should spend a day at the beach.
Since it was Labor Day Weekend the night ended with dancing to an amazing band and watching fireworks fill the beautiful night sky.

And once again I had a "magical moment" as I danced with my eight year old boy on the sand in the moonlight. I've loved all the amazing experiences I've had with Jack.

Showing his age.

Luckily, the hurricane didn't do much damage to our beaches and it was actually more kid friendly with its flat beaches and the boys had a great time finding all the seashells that had washed on shore.

Mack was good at keeping a close eye on Ben and is such a good big brother.

Nate had a blast riding the waves on a boogie board. Ry had fun going body surfing with our friends who also came along to celebrate. We both have four kids and they are all the same ages and get along great.

Ben even thought he would try out boogie boarding. He didn't get too far of course.

Me with my birthday boy.

Our next door neighbors and good friends; Frank and Michie also came along. Frank and Nate are buddies and Nate spends a lot of time working with Frank in his yard. Michie has been a wonderful neighbor and is quickly becoming a dear friend to all of us. She put together the sweetest gift for Jack.

Ben had fun playing in the sand. Don't you just love that sand beard he has going on. If you look real close you can see a sandy string of snot. So gross.

And there is the setting; the band, the beach, the sunset, and the clear skies. Way more people showed up when it started getting dark. My camera battery died just when I wanted to capture the amazing fireworks.

And just like that it was over. And I almost cried at the thought of summer ending. I have loved the carefree days and fun adventures. But I am so ready for routine, schedules, and order. When my sister asked Jack if he was excited for school to start his reply was, "Well I've been to 3 other schools already so its not that exciting to start at another school." A downside to all the adventure we've been having. But I know Jack well and I know he'll do great!

Jack turns 8

2011-09-03T05:45:00.000-07:00

Jack at Gualala when he was just a little guy.

When Jack was just a baby and we were madly in love with each other, my Mom called it a love affair, I remembering visualizing Jack at eight years old all dressed in white and getting baptized.

Now eight years later here we are.

Today Jack turns 8. All through the years everyone has agreed, who knows Jack, that he is one of a kind. He has wisdom of a ninety year old man in the small body of a little boy. He views everyone as being on the same level; the old, the middle-aged, the teenagers, and the little children. He talks the same to a Grandpa as he would a three year old. He understands complex matters and has a scientific mind. He is always building and inventing.

He also has a sweet spiritual side to him too. One Sunday we were visiting a ward for the first time and Jack went into primary. He was in sunbeams then and sat on the front row. After church the singing time leader came up to me and told me how Jack was so fun to watch sing because he seem to be "enchanted" with the music. Jack understands reverance and he is very aware of the Spirit. He remembers stories so well and often corrects me on the facts. He has always loved going to church and insists on looking handsome every Sunday; even though he does fight me sometimes to fix his hair.

Jack loves people. He remembers names just like that and makes friends wherever we go. He includes everyone and excludes no one. Ever since he was a tiny little boy he has loved to make people smile and he still finds ways every day to make someone smile. I love when I see Jack walking along side one of his brothers with his arm around their shoulders leading and protecting them. He is such a good example for his little brothers to follow.

Jack has always been guarded in his speach and is very aware of what is and isn't appropriate to say. He has an amazing vocabulary and knows how to express himself very well. His words are his gift. I can't even begin to say how many times his words have been an inspiration, comfort, or comedic relief for me.

Jack has always been my friend. I know some would say that your children shouldn't be your friend, but Jack is mine. We connect on such a deep level in so many ways. We can be cranky and short-tempered but at the end of the day we love to be hugged and told how wonderful we are. We do that for each other.

And I am even more in love with my Jack then I was eight years ago. He has grown into quite an amazing kid and I feel so overwhelmingly blessed to have him as my son.

Dear Jack,

I love you! This past year has been a rough one with moving and changing schools, but like always, you learn how to adapt and make the best of a situation. I love how you are so willing to deal with change. I love how you love and lead your brothers and I love how you compliment me often. I love how you sing and know all the words (better than anyone) and I love how you dance. But most importantly Jack, I am so proud of who you are spiritually. You are so devoted to God and being your best. I am so very proud of you.

Love,

Your Mom

And in just three weeks you'll receive the best gift a person can ever receive. I am so excited for you!

Philadelphia

2011-09-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

The last time I was in Philadelphia was when I was 17 years old and I was with my Uncle and his two children. Ryan had come there when he was a teenager with his best friend John and his parents. Its only an hour and half from our house so we decided yesterday to spend the day there.

Our first stop had to be the Philadelphia Museum best known for the stairs Rocky runs up in the movie Rocky.

Speaking of Rocky . . . we got this cool picture with him. A man was kind enough to come and take pictures for us.

We don't have a lot of pictures with all of us in it so I have to post more then one.

Ryan took the boys for a run up the stairs. We attempted a jumping picture, but that didn't go so well. Ry looks good.

I don't think the boys really understood why their dad was making them run up the stairs but Ry was excited about it. He even did the big cheer up at the top at yelled out. It was funny to watch so many visitors (mostly men) run up those stairs like Rocky did.

Then we went on a tour of Independence Hall. I think jack was the only one who could really appreciate this piece of history. He was so excited to see where our founding fathers had been, especially since he had learned so much about them in school last year.

That chair in the far distance is the actual chair George Washington sat in.

All my boys. I can never get the one perfect picture.

I love that Jack can take picture for us now. He loves it too.

We loved this cobble stone street.

We just happened upon story time where the kids got to participate in soldier training. In this picture the man was checking the boys for good teeth - one of the requirements for the army was to have at least 2 good teeth. All the participants were children except for one homeless man who stood right in the middle. His eyes were lit up with excitement and his name was Jack. The volunteer leaders all knew him by name and treated him so kindly so Jack must be a regular. He had the sweetest spirit and all the kids just thought he was one of them.

Mack wasn't to interested in the soldier training so he watched with me.

Independence Hall. All that brick is original. We kept thinking about National Treasure and we even tried to find the spot we thought the glasses would have been hidden. . . it seems every place reminds us of a movie.

Last stop was the liberty bell.

Just a half hour from Philly is Burlington County where many of Ryan and I's ancestors lived. I had the opportunity to go to the historical society and search for some family history . . I even found pictures. I didn't have enough time to get much done so I will be back for sure. It just so happens that the geneological expert there at the time has Becks, Antrims, and Burtis in her family too so she is going to help me find the info I need. It was a wonderful day indeed.

Before they grow up . . . they are little boys. . .cute ones.

2011-08-31T18:57:00.000-07:00

Ben loves animals.
He loves to look at books.
He also loves to rip pages in books.

He also is learning to talk . . . really loud.

Jack invented his own frog keeper and look-at-it-er.

Ben likes to say "Whoa" again and again when he is really excited about something.
He also likes to feed himself.

Mack likes wearing his star wars underwear. He thinks he's superman now . . potty trained and all. Although when I say he is a big boy he says, "Jack and Nate big boys, I little" and he makes a sign with his finger and thumb that means little.

Ben likes to get messy with his food . . . really messy. This kid is eating so much food and he finally sleeps a solid 12 hours every night.

Nate still doesn't look at the camera . . most of the time. He is so excited for kindergarten and has mastered learning all his letters and numbers. He is way excited to get his pre-k shots this week. He loves to show his brothers how much tougher he is then them. He really is Superman.

I like raising little boys . . a lot.

Ryan's Birthday and Hurricane Irene

2011-08-28T19:02:00.000-07:00

Since we were stuck in the house all day (Irene was due any minute), the boys got a little crazy.

Ryan brought home left over cupcakes from his birthday celebration at work. Mack loved that.

Sadly Ryan's birthday was not too exciting, with a hurricane on its way not much was open and we just weren't sure when it would show. We finally took a chance and got out of the house for a little while. We walked around Costco and got a hot dog. Then we drove down to Best Buy to look around there. On the way, Hurricane Irene showed up and the rain was CRAZY! That night I made a special dinner and we ate cake and ice cream. At least we can drown our sorrows over deflated birthday plans with food.

Doesn't the birthday boy looks so happy!:) As we ate our cake we could hear the storm picking up outside.

One more look at my handsome 32 year old man. Nate says in no time he'll be able to catch up to Grandma Caryl.

Then we watched and waited for the hurricane. The rain started at 3:00 pm Saturday afternoon and just kept coming. At midnight the wind started to pick up and I kept hearing on the internet how there were tornado watches and flash flood warnings. I got on facebook and kept in contact with friends and family along the East Coast. We anticipated the worst, but were praying for the best.

We made sure to have our 72 hour kits ready by the door. Food was stocked in the pantry, and flashlights ready. Ryan and I had never been through a major storm like this so we hoped we were prepared, but worried that we had forgotten something. We couldn't find any D batteries after checking 6 or so stores and worried we wouldn't have enough light if our power went out. Ryan made sure to tape our windows. The biggest fear was that a tree would fall on our cars or into the house.

Our bedroom window takes up a whole wall so Ryan and I thought it would be best to put our bed in the boys room and sleep there. I didn't really do much sleeping though, every couple of hours I was up to check on the house and see how the wind was. It got pretty bad around 3:00 am and I feared a tornado was going to rip through our neighborhood, but it never got much worse then 40 miles an hour. In the morning we all waited to see when the storm was actually going to be over. And then . . . it was and we

all made our way outside to see what the damage was. This is how our court looked. Only a few leaves and branches here and there.

This is how the marsh looked where the boys catch frogs. That water is not usually there.

Church was cancelled so we spent most of the day relaxing, and since our power never was lost, we watched movies and read books. In late afternoon the wind was still going pretty strong and we decided to go for a drive to see what damage there was elsewhere.

We saw a lot of fallen trees . . . everywhere.

This tree had fallen on to a power line. Everyone was still driving underneath it . . . even us. Crazy I know but we drove down the other two directions on this street and they were completely blocked by fallen trees so we had to drive under this one to get around.

There it is from the other side.

While we drove around we actually heard and saw a tree fall in a yard right next to a house. I'm so glad our trees didn't fall in our yard. They sure can wreak a lot of havoc. Some people in our ward won't have power for days and others have flooded basements. We feel really blessed.

One more blocked road.

And then another.

One thing is for certain, there is nothing like a natural disaster threat to put things into perspective. I am definitely more dedicated to being better prepared and I feel like this is one way Heavenly Father was telling the world BE PREPARED. I'm just so grateful that his warning was a whisper and not a shout.

Luckily the forecast is sunny tomorrow and for the rest of the week. Looks like we might actually get to enjoy the last week of summer . . . unless another earthquake, hurricane, or maybe even a tornado decide to stop by.

Happy Birthday Ry!

2011-08-27T04:36:00.000-07:00

Ryan being a Dad - - his favorite thing to do.

Today Ryan turns 32. We had big plans for his birthday; temple trip, Central Park, Empire State Building, and a walk in Time Square. I had babysitters lined up for the day and it was all planned. Then Irene the Hurricane decided to make her grand visit and now our trip will have to be postponed. Hopefully we can still celebrate with a date to a movie, a special dinner, and cake and ice cream.

I was on a blog today where she listed all her husband's qualities and uniqueness. I thought that was a fun idea and so here it goes.

Ryan loves operas and musicals.

He loves to watch old black and white movies like, It happened one night and Its a wonderful life. On our second date he sang a song from Top Hat to me. I knew he was the one when we could sing to Nat King Cole together.

Ryan is athletic. The guy can play ping pong, tennis, golf, football, baseball, basketball (usually gets hurt though) and probably anything else you throw at him. Not only can he play it but he can play it well. He doesn't like to ever do something half way.

He does a really good Sean Connery voice and a hilarious hill billy voice. He doesn't ever get goofy like I do, but he can be pretty entertaining - especially with his amazing dance moves.

Ryan has a good singing voice. I always have compared him to Harry Connick Jr. and I never get tired of listening to him sing; except for when he gets frustrated about being stuck at home with not much going on and he sings, "Stuck inside these four walls."

Ryan is very competitive. The few times that I have won him at something he didn't like it too much. (Yes Ben Eyre I am thinking of that one time we were playing cards . . )

Ryan never gives up . . . especially when he really wants something. He rarely takes No for an answer which means he just doesn't let failures get him down and he always learns from his mistakes. He takes whatever life dishes out and makes the most of it.

Ryan is a cuddler. He loves to take little kids in his arms and love them; whether they are his own children or someone else. I quickly fell in love with him while we were dating when I watched him play with his nieces. He absolutely loves being with children.

Ryan is an amazing cook. He loves to throw ingredients together and make something delicious. He doesn't ever use a recipe and his dishes always turn super tasty. My boys love when its Saturday and Dad makes one of his special soups.

Ryan loves to be healthy. He is always pushing our family to eat better and exercise more. He gets excited to take his boys outside and do something active. He does not like to sit around and watch TV, unless its a really good football game or movie. I can count how many football games he's watched in the last year on one hand. (I do catch him on ESPN though checking out the game stats)

Ryan is an amazing Chiropractor. I've loved watching him evolve as a doctor this past year since he graduated. He cares so much about his patients and wants so much to help every person he can. He is a wealth of information on the body and he is constantly teaching me what foods help what problem. He still makes us a Kale drinks every morning . . now he adds clove and garlic.

Ryan is my most favorite person on Earth. I have a lot people I love and enjoy being with, but Ry is the only person I could spend forever with. He is the other half of me. He has helped me to become a better person and he is always teaching me more about my own potential. I love that even though I know all of his flaws I would still choose him over any other man. I love that he's mine and that I have someone like him to love and take care of me and our four boys.

Love you Ry!!! I hope its a fantastic and unforgettable day, even if there is a hurricane.

A Roller Coaster Ride

2011-08-25T13:09:00.000-07:00

A picture of our New Jersey devastation. Saw this on the internet and laughed so hard.

Monday- I was on my computer when my closet started to make a weird sound, like it was shaking or something. Then I realized everything was shaking. I ran out to the boys and they were smiling saying, "The house is shaking Mom." So we just stood there and watched each other as it happened. After it stopped I ran outside to talk to our neighbor. We both were shocked as we talked about the earthquake and soon we had a couple more neighbors joining us. One neighbor was at the bottom of the World Trade Tower the day the bombing happened. She recounted that day and soon we were all sharing our 9/11 stories. Everyone here has a story of that day. So many people in New Jersey work in New York and were there that fateful day. Somehow the earthquake brought back all that fear and uneasiness of that day. Never did I imagine that we'd have an earthquake in New Jersey.

Now forecasters say that a hurricane is headed our way. Gratefully, this time I plan on being prepared. Only problem is I've never been in a hurricane so I'm just not sure what to plan for. . . power outages I guess.

This week my oldest niece Shaunie, who came with me to Jersey, moved out and started college. Wasn't it just yesterday she was born and I was holding her in my arms. How in the world did she get old enough to be a college student? Didn't my husband just finish college himself? It feels that way.

This morning I woke up to find out my Sister-in-law Kristin had her first baby. They named her Loretta and she weighs 7 lbs. 7 oz. I couldn't help but cry when I saw the picture of her with her baby girl. I've never been more happy for someone to have a baby. Kristin is one of those women who is made for motherhood. She possesses all the qualities a mother needs and she has such a strong and deep love for all children so I can only imagine how much she'll love her own little girl. What a lucky little baby girl to have a Mother who is so amazing.

Saturday Ryan turns 32. I said his age out loud last night and I started laughing. Part of the laugh came from sleep deprivation, but mostly from total shock. How in the world did Ry and I get to be 32 years old? We are also nearing our 10 year anniversary and that is shocking enough. How is it that time is speeding by so quickly? How is it possible that we have a son getting baptized in just a few weeks? It astounds me really.

Life is definitely a roller coaster ride, with its highs and lows. It goes fast and slow and sometimes you smile and sometimes you want to cry. But when it is all said and done you have a smile on your face and you're glad you took the ride.

A hurricane . . . really? Let's hope forecasters are exaggerating the impact it will have on Jersey.

Warriors

2011-08-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

When Jack was just a tiny baby I remember praying about him. I was a new Mother and I had all the intentions in the world of being the best Mom I could be. I knew it would be a team effort; Ryan, me, and the Lord. As I prayed, I was given inspiration that I was raising a warrior. My own stripling warrior; only this one would be a modern-day 2,000 (year) stripling warrior. I went to the scriptures to find out just what a stripling warrior was.

I found him to be;

Valiant

Obediant

Honest

Courageous

Faithful

I even wrote it on a piece of paper and hung it above Jack's bed. I also went to the distribution center and bought a picture of the Stripling Warriors to place next to our list. Every day I was reminded that I was raising a warrior.

And now I'm raising 4 warriors.

But sometimes I forget.

Last school year I felt like Jack was pushing away from me. I felt like the world was having more of an influence on him than I was. And I knew it was my fault. I went to prayer and scriptures again and was reminded that a warrior needs all those things I had listed years ago, and he needs armor.

I remembered the scripture in D&C 27 that speak of the armor of God. The only way my boys can defeat and win in this great spiritual war is by me, as their Mother, helping them to put on their armor every day. And so I tried to read scriptures every day, say prayers before leaving for school, and I even would pretend to put their armor on them so they had a visual picture in their minds that they were armed against wickedness. It definitely changed things. I saw Jack truly become more of a spiritual warrior.

Summer has come and almost gone and I haven't been as good at arming or preparing my warriors. So its back to work again . . . remembering to arm them and training them.

We've had a few Family Home Evenings on being a warrior and whenever they are quick to get in their seat belts, listening well, or working hard we call them a warrior. We even have a secret warrior hand shake. Ryan is their captain and I am the co-captain. Sometimes the training is physical and sometimes its spiritual. But we always have the goal in mind that we are building warriors out of little boys.

Then the other day Jack asked me why I care so much. Why do I care if he practices the piano or reads his books. He questioned why any of it is important. I felt inspired to say and have since done often, "I am trying to help you become the BEST person you can become."

And that is really what this warrior training is all about. Its training my boys to become the best version of themselves and to prepare them for whatever challenges and obstacles may come their way. Because, let's face it, things are going to just keep changing in this world and I don't see things changing for the better. But I do see the world being full of good and strong men - if we as their parents have trained/taught them to be.

Its a huge responsibility and with four warriors in training I am often times found lacking. But whenever I am, the Lord has been good to kindly remind me of my purpose and their purpose. I am four warrior's Mother and someday I hope my boys will say of me, "We didn't doubt our Mother knew it."

Another Dance video

2011-08-18T08:30:00.001-07:00

You can hear my voice a little because I was trying so hard to get them to dance in sinc. They refused and just did their own thing. Ryan is hopeful that with the right training our boys can become one of the greatest boy bands ever. I like to to call them the B Boys. Enjoy!

Bubble Bath

2011-08-15T04:56:00.000-07:00

When you have four boys you have to bribe them sometimes to take a bath, at least the older ones. Ben would take a bath all day every day if he could. Especially when I add bubbles.

Ben was trying so hard to get a bubble beard like Nate and drank a lot of bath water. Notice the blue marker and red marker in his hair - I can't get rid of it. I'm thinking about giving him a yellow and green marker just so we can have a rainbow of colors going on.

Nate is a trouble maker - for sure.

Ben found these sunglasses after and had to wear them around. I love it!!

The best part is getting to kiss their clean, soft, and good-smelling cheeks afterwards.

Magical Moments

2011-08-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

The first time we went to Disneyland Jack was only 3 1/2. When we first stepped off the trolley and onto the sidewalk he froze and didn't move. The music was playing, the sun was shining down on us, and there was calmness. Ry and I worried something was wrong and asked Jack, "Are you o.k.?" and "What's wrong?" It took him a minute to answer and then he said, "I'm just breathing." He had been lost in a magical moment.

I had one of those moments last night.

Our neighbors Michi (pronounced Meechee) and Frank are wonderful people. They don't have any children, but love children. Whenever they are working in their yard Nate goes out to work with them and talk to Frank. Nate loves to talk!!!

Yesterday I went over to pull Nate away from yet another conversation with Frank; when Frank invited our family to meet them at the beach for a concert and fireworks. Michi even offered to drive down with me and the boys to help me out. I was apprehensive about the trip, but then when I thought about summer being almost over I knew we had to go.

Oh it was amazing.

We got there at 7:00 in the evening and the ocean was the calmest I've ever seen. It looked like glass. The sun was going down in the opposite direction lighting our ocean sky with oranges/blue/purple. And then the moon started to light up the sky and dance on the ocean. The boys got to play in the warm Atlantic ocean and make sand castles. We listened to a band play and the kids were all up and dancing. Then the night sky was lit up with fireworks. The weather was perfect! No wind, no stormy skies, and no fog . . . only perfection.

It was magical and I found myself closing my eyes just so I could soak it up with my skin and my face. And it is always in those magical moments I find myself feeling overwhelmed with gratitude.

I am so grateful to be here, in this place, and at this time. We've traveled so far to be here and our family has had so much change to work through. It has been a long and wonderful journey, and last night I felt like I had the whole world in the very secure grasp of my arms.

Its interesting how we can have one really hard day and our world feels as though it is falling apart. We feel out of control and totally vulnerable.

But then the good Lord blesses us the next day to have magical moments that are His way of reminding us that He is in control, He is watching over us, and He wants us to know He loves us.

I love those magical moment days.

Four Boys

2011-08-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

I was showing Nate and Mack pictures today. Every time I come across this one of Judy (Ry's Mom) with all her boys I laugh because I totally see me. Her boys were all in a row like mine and they were pretty close in age. I love the Superman shirt Doug is wearing, Ryan wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt, and the cool hippy clothes Judy has on. Notice how Todd = Ben (both blond and blue-eyed) doesn't have any shoes on? Must be the fourth boy thing . . .

The next three kids were girls . . . so that helps my chances right?!

Heart Break

2011-08-08T19:37:00.000-07:00

This morning I was looking in my dresser for something when I found the video of Ben being born. I hadn't even watched it since he was born. All the boys got excited to see it so we put it on and even Little Ben loved watching the video of himself as a baby. My heart was so full as I watched myself loving that new little baby for the first time. Those first moments with your new baby are so special and unforgettable.

When Jack was born I had been in labor for so long and hardly had any sleep, so when I did finally meet the little guy I sobbed and sobbed. I kissed his little forehead again and again and kept saying, "I love you so much."

Today I went with all the boys to do some shopping at Target. We picked out some school shoes and a few school clothes. I mainly went there to buy new underwear for Mack because we're finally trying to potty train him. Jack and Nate have taken on the responsibility (without me asking) of showing him how it's done. After Ben going crazy from being restrained and tired, we made it through the checkout and out to the parking lot. I had Ben and Mack in the front of the cart by me and Nate was holding on to the side. Jack was following behind. As we neared the van I looked back over my shoulder to make sure Jack was coming, and then . . .

I saw a speeding black car and Jack running towards me. I yelled in a frantic voice as loud as I could, "Jack!" He looked up to see the car. All I saw was the car between him and me still moving fast. The car came to a quick stop and there I saw Jack on the ground. Luckily he jumped right up and came running to me. He kept saying, "I'm o.k. Mom." The teenage girl was shook up and kept asking if he was o.k. It seems like I just kind of froze and didn't know how to respond. I just kept looking Jack over to really make sure he was o.k. I told the girl he was fine and we got to the van. A lady in her car who saw the whole incident stopped to ask if Jack had been hit and if he was o.k.

I almost collapsed and began to cry. It wasn't the same cry as when Jack was born though, that cry was a happy relieved cry. This cry was more like a mother's heart close to breaking cry. I just couldn't believe that one second later, one second sooner, one time not looking back over my shoulder and my little Jack could have been seriously hurt or even killed.

The sweet women got out of her car and stood by me to comfort me. A couple more people came over to ask if everything was o.k and to offer support and concern. Sweet Jack just kept say, "I'm o.k. Mom. I'm o.k." He did mention that the car hit his hip but just barely. He also told me that when he saw the car coming at him he jumped backwards and that's what made him fall. If he hadn't jumped back I know he would have been hit hard.

On the way home Jack just couldn't understand why I was so upset. I explained to him, "When things like that happen to a Mother it's like someone takes her heart out of her body and drops it." I explained to him how much I love him and how if anything ever did happen to him my heart would break into a million pieces. I still don't think he truly understands, but I told him when he's a Dad he will.

What a horrific experience to have as a mother. I am just so grateful that it wasn't worse and that I still have my Jack safe and sound to kiss and hug. These boys mean so much to me. I've invested so much of myself into them, and even though I have moments of frustration and even anger with them; they are the source of my greatest happiness and joy in this life.

How grateful I am for the tender mercies of the Lord. And how grateful I am that today he made sure my Jack was kept safe.

Good love

2011-08-07T18:28:00.000-07:00

A little boy loving me sure feels good.

Wiping away little boy tears feels good.

Sitting on the beach watching them play in the sand and waves feels really good.

Snuggling up to little boys in bed is heavenly.

Kissing little boy lips is oh so good.

Little boy hugs makes my spirit soar.

Oh yes . . . being four little boys' Mom feels amazing!

Even if they run me ragged and test my patience.

Even if they break my dishes, and dirty the house.

Even if they tease me and laugh at me.

Even if they tell me I'm a "mean mom."

Most of the time it's mostly good.

Still not use to . . .

2011-08-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

The New Jersey accent.

Hairy, scary, and nasty bugs here, there, and everywhere.

Toll Roads!!!

Soupy air that you feel yourself drowning in during the middle of hot summer days.

The distance between here and the rest of my world in the West.

Having someone pump my gas for me . . . but love this!!

Stupid New Jersey laws - already got my first traffic ticket.

What a smarty pants Nate is and his tough deep questions he asks me all the time.

That Ben can sense when a door is not shut all the way and he makes a run for it.

Mack running in the street because he refuses to hold my hand. He almost got hit by a car today and the guy driving called my 3-yr-old an idiot.

People being rude.

Jack saying "No!" when I ask him to do something.

And I may never get use to them. There are just some things in life you never get use to.

Virginia

2011-08-02T05:15:00.000-07:00

The same weekend we moved into our home my brother's family moved into their home in Virginia. They are the ones who lived in Maryland that we visited last month. My brother and I find it interesting how our lives have been coinsiding the last year. So many changes and new experiences.

So as we both were at his home early Saturday morning we made mention how crazy it seemed that we were both having our oldest get baptized this year. And who would have ever thought we'd be able to be there to support each other. Funny how the Lord works.

We were so happy that we got to be there when Parker got baptized. She even invited us to participate in the program which made it even more special for us.

I love how Parker loved the attention and yet didn't quite know how to handle it. She had this delighted smile on all day, but still a little reserved. She sure looked beautiful all dressed in white.

My Mom had made this blanket for her that is to symbolize the Holy Ghost. . . I got a little choked up when her name was mentioned. How I miss that Mom of mine.

I asked Jack to get a picture with Parker and this was the first shot.

There we go, that's more like it. They really do like each other.

The beautiful family. Proud to claim them as mine.

My brother always has to take a silly picture. He told everyone to look in a different direction. I love how Mason just decided to turn with his back towards me.

Gotta love this guy. He got home late from work Friday night, we woke up at 5 am Saturday to make the 10:30 baptism, and he drove us all the way home. How I love a man in church clothes. Even if he has poison ivy from catching a frog all over his body.

Saturday afternoon we met up with our Beck cousins that we hadn't seen in years and went swimming. They were so kind to have us stay at their house that night. You may remember John Beck who was quarterback for BYU and now is starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins. We loved spending time with their three boys. We're so excited for him and can't wait for the season to start. They also just happen to live 10 minutes from my brother's house.

We had a lot of fun being together in the water. It was our first pool experience together as a family since we went to Aunt Shari's pool in May. We really enjoyed it!

Until this guy decided to go in the deep end (3 feet) and almost drowned. Ry had to run across the pool to save him. Two lifeguards were just 5 feet away from him, but they were too busy talking to notice the drowning toddler in front of them.

He recovered quickly from the scare and was right back at it again. Never to go in the deep part again.

Nate is our little fish and only left the water for snacks. He loves to go under and swim from place to place. I love seeing a child being so comfortable in the water because I was NEVER like that.

Sunday we went to church and then headed home. We made a quick HOT stop at the DC Temple. That temple is AMAZING! Especially when you see it floating gloriously over the freeway. We didn't stay long because it was so hot, but long enough to get some beautiful pictures.

The trip home seemed to take as long as a trip from Cali to Utah. Ben cried for most of the last hour and we hit lots and lots of weekend traffic. We got off the freeway early to take the back roads and just happened to drive through Mansfield and Chesterfield where Ry and I's ancestors come from. I hope to get back there real soon and do some researching.

Side note: I use to complain about the stupid tolls to cross the bridges in the Bay Area. But I'm realizing that was nothing compared the 10 different tolls we paid from our house to my Brother's. It cost us almost $20 just on the trip there. We take the toll roads because it definitely is the quickest route, but sheesh!!

It was a whirlwind weekend, but so very very wonderful.

Moments in time

2011-07-28T17:53:00.000-07:00

My boys all dressed and ready to go to the Splash Park that we later found out was closed . . . at least we still had fun at the playground.

Mack dancing. He is really learning some good moves and I laugh every time I watch him.

Nate asking me questions that I don't have an answer for. He constantly is asking me deep questions that I have to say, "I don't know, we'll have to find out."

What Ben looks like after his brother pours water on him for no good reason. He doesn't even cry, and I even think he likes it.

The looks on my boys faces after they catch frogs at the Marsh.

And I'm sure they won't forget the look on my face when they pretend to let one jump on me and I totally freak out. I HATE creepy crawly things. I don't mind my boys touching and catching them one bit, but if they were to actually crawl on me I would not be able to handle it.

Oh there are so many good moments every day, and I hope to never miss a single one.

Oh Benny Boy

2011-07-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

There is a little boy in our home . . .

who is always into trouble.

He likes to play in pee filled toilet water and then splash it around the bathroom. He then likes to unroll the toilet paper and dip it in the toilet and then take all that lovely pee water and track it all over the front room wood floor. Oh how I yelled. I mean really, why can't boys remember to flush the toilet and shut the bathroom door?? It annoys me big time, especially when I know that is the first place Ben loves to play. And it usually happens when I am in the other room cleaning up one of his other messes.

He took a tumble down the stairs the other day, and didn't even cry. He was just shook up a little bit.

He runs in the street and when I tell him to stop and come back he throws his head back and laughs.

He loves to take his plate of food and dump it all over the floor. And he insists on feeding himself now so I have to trust him with a bowl or plate of food, but as soon as he is done the rest goes on the floor. I think I swept the floor 5 times yesterday, mopped it, and then wiped it up at least 3 more times. So when Jack complained later about having to get on his hands and knees to wipe up the pee water Ben had tracked all over, I didn't feel a bit sorry for him.

Oh, and see that red marker in his hair above . . . almost a week later and the kid still has red hair. Markers are banned for sure. The last thing I need is Ben getting a hold of non-washable markers and writing all over the walls or furniture. But it could still happen because the other boys have yet to figure out how to keep things out of the reach of Ben. . . and either have I for that matter . . . obviously.

Oh Benny Boy. I love you tremendously and I love your happy nature, but I am going crazy with your little boy attitude.

Love,

Mom

Family Fun Night

2011-07-25T05:55:00.000-07:00

Friday we all met at the gym. Me and the boys eat dinner at home and leave Ry's in the van. Then he meets us after work, eats his dinner, and him and I work out while the boys get babysat. Me and Ry get a date while the boys catch up on their TV shows that they never get to watch at home. After the gym we walk next door to the toy shop. The boys have so much fun trying out new cool toys - ones you can't find at Toys R' us. They have a huge giraffe that Ben sits and pets. He LOVES animals. I had promised the boys that we could have a campout in our backyard, but with the nasty humidity and heat we opted for a campout in the family room. The mattresses only made it half way there because Ry decided it would be a good idea to teach our boys how to make a slide with their beds on the stairs. They loved it and had so much fun.

Then we watched a movie . . .

We're still lacking some furniture, but we make do.

and we made s'mores.

They tasted so so good. It was such a fun night and I think they boys enjoyed it, I know I did.

Family Fun Nights are the best!!

Hot Tamale

2011-07-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

Its been crazy hot here the past few days. So hot that we barely make outside, and if we do go outside its for very short increments. The humidity is like thick soup. When I step out of the house my glasses instantly fog up. Its disgusting really. The low for tonight is . . . . 77. And if you go outside late at night you can hear thousands of frogs croaking. Its kind of freaky and weird at the same time.

So what do we do in the summer time?

We
Go looking for frogs after Ry gets home from work. Then on the way home they just "happen" to get caught in the sprinklers and get soaking wet. You should have seen the silly grins they had on their faces when I opened the door.

The frog they caught.

We invested in a cheap $10 hose and $3 sprinkler. Nate has already broken the top piece off so now it shoots like Old Faithful. As long as they can get wet, their happy as can be.

They love to run and hide in the little hide-out.

The hide out.

Jack has been practicing his catching skills, and asked me to take pictures. For some reason this kid is loving the camera right now and I am loving it too.

See what I mean. I don't even have to ask him to pose. He just comes up with this stuff all on his own.

We've been taking a lot of naps.

Jack laughing at my scrapbook. I try not to let it hurt my feelings.

Ben's been fussier than usual. Probably because he doesn't sleep as well with this hot heat. He is also teething and is Mr. Grumpy.

He found the NON-washable markers today and had fun with them. I thought it was funny until I couldn't get it off and now he looks like a wacky dude.

More sprinkler fun, and Jack had tons of fun today getting me all wet too.

Mack loves water!

Nate being Nacho.

Love the action shots. These boys sure have fun together . . . until someone loses or someone gets hurt.

Summer is officially half way over!

Little Trouble

2011-07-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

I still can't believe that I have a little blond haired blue eyed boy. Just today he was running around on the couch and I said to myself, "How is this little boy mine?" How did I get so lucky? He really is pretty special and cute to boot. His jagged teeth give him a whole lot more personality and his fast run give him a whole lot more speed . . . to be naughty. He is a dumper and loves to dump out water, food, toys, and dirt. He sings along to music and just today his Dad sat and showed him how to roll a ball, he was totally delighted by it.

Today I unpacked all my scrapbooks. Its always special for me to pull them out and watch my boys enjoy pictures that I worked so hard to put together. Jack was totally entertained by my childhood pictures and even had the gall to laugh at my fourth grade mullet. The picture that caught my eye though was a picture of me when I was just little, probably Ben's age. I looked at that picture and guess who I saw? It was little Ben. I even covered the hair to see just how much my face looked like him and I saw it. I saw me in my little Ben.

And so now I know for certain, he really does belong to me. He really is my little boy and he has the adorable looks to prove it. For some reason its so rewarding as a parent to see yourself in each of your children. Its a beautiful reminder that they are part of me and I am part of them - forever connected.

Motherhood is tough, seriously a lot of work. There are so many moments during the day that I want to hide in the bathroom, lock the door, and just not do anything for anybody for at least 15 minutes. But then there is a little knock at the door or someone calling, "Mom?" and I have to go. I have to take care of these little guys and their every need. They need me for so many reasons. And I am truly grateful that I have someones who need me. Because it is exactly what I dreamed of having and being.

And little Ben in all his crazy 15 month cuteness reminded me of that today.

The funny stuff

2011-07-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

Mack is a camera hog. He insist on having a camera and taking all the pictures. I have to fight him for my camera now. Luckily, Ry had brought his little point and shoot so Mack, Jack, and I had to share back and forth. I must admit, I love seeing my boys love photography so much.

The day before we left for Palmyra I buzzed Mack's hair. I call him Buzz now and I think it fits him and his personality perfectly.

Mack is a pretty cautious and careful kid. Ry and I use to think Mack is the kid who would be daring and crazy. But now that we have Ben we think Mack is a pretty chill kid and real easy to keep happy. He is such a sweet kid and is quickly becoming everyone's favorite because he is so sweet and happy all the time.

The Peter Whitmer Farm in all its Summer beauty. This is what I want some day. . . complete with a fridge, washer and dryer, and working toilet.

Ben loved exploring the old cabins. The poor kid had a string of bad luck and fell rolling down a hill after his brothers at the Palmyra Temple. He fell and hit his head twice just walking and climbing around. Then he got stung by a wasp at the Hill Cumorah. Palmyra left its mark on this guy.

Jack inside the Whitmer home. I hope he never forgets this trip.

Nate with his favorite Prophet. Nate has a great memory and remembers every story we tell him. The funniest thing he said was while watching the movie on the restoration and he saw the part where Joseph walks into the grove to pray. Nate said, "How come Joseph isn't looking down for poinson ivy?"

Ben with his grumpy face on. Like I said, Palmyra was hard on this kid.

Only a few more pictures to post. We got some fun ones with Ryan's camera.

-

Dear Jill-

The snow finally came.

Benners AKA: CRAZY MAN!!!

Talking to Jack

Pinterest

Warriors 4 Mom 1

Mack celebrates 4 and I celebrate 32

The MET

Mack turns 4

New Years Eve

The boys in my life

Our Sunbeam

2011 Wrap Up

Christmas in Pictures

Rockefeller Center

Moments of Christmas

Times Square

New York City - at Christmas

The Christ 'Child' in my Children

Another family picture attempt

US

A beautiful message

Welcoming Christmas

Washington D.C.

Harpers Ferry

Thanksgiving

I'm so grateful . . .

Primary Program

Fun YouTube videos we've been watching lately

The story of the leaves.

Change in seasons

Happy Friday 11-11-11

How do you know

By the window

Trunk or Treat

Halloween

Harry Potter visits Princeton University

This and That

A Beautiful Heartbreak - Must watch!

consistently inconsistent

Never a dull moment

18 Months old

The last week in pictures

My Boys

Mack

Jack's Baptism

The golden hour at Avon By the Sea

Avon By the Sea

Dear Husband,

Step It Up!

Beck Boys hit New York City

Naters the Kindergartner

New Jersey so far

From Ryan's Camera

Why I love old people

Dear California-

How does He know??

Mormon Helping Hands

The pictures of the First (CRAZY) day of school

First Day of School ( oh yes there is more . . .)

Summer Wrap Up

Celebrating Eight

Jack turns 8

Philadelphia

Before they grow up . . . they are little boys. . .cute ones.

Ryan's Birthday and Hurricane Irene

Happy Birthday Ry!

A Roller Coaster Ride

Warriors

Another Dance video

Bubble Bath

Magical Moments

Four Boys

Heart Break

Good love

Still not use to . . .

Virginia

Moments in time

Oh Benny Boy